In all the years I've been involved in doing various forgiveness work techniques I've noticed several constant results.
- The work seems like it never gets finished. New triggers to the same situation surface, buttons get pushed which creates opportunities for a deeper level of healing.
- The list needing forgiveness work seems long. There always seems to be more items on the list. There seems to be no end.
- Universe seems to have a way of giving us more to practice on. The list seems to always be growing. New situations seem to get created. Maybe the first step needs to be how to stop this kind of creating.
- Learning forgiveness techniques seems to be a step by step process. Everyone seems to be on different steps of the same path. Some seem more advanced. Some teach us what they have experienced and we then teach others along the way.
- Some seem to chose not to travel the path of the forgiveness road, not even aware that forgiveness is a healing choice for themselves.
-But best of all, forgiving works. I know this to be true for I have seen the change in me. Most of the time I don't notice the change when it happens. I recognize the signs of change when I am working on a project. Currently I am decluttering and organizing photographs into albums. I have noticed that I love the pictures of me that I once disliked. When did that shift happen! I have also noticed as I revisited past memories as I surfed through pictures of others from my past, that there seems to be more forgiveness work to be done.
My question to myself is, how deep do I want to dive!
I liken forgiveness work to a 'life review'. What if, I did my life review now instead of when I die? If I healed in this lifetime then I wouldn't have to relive the same lessons in another lifetime. This motivates me to go through the emotions of change now.
I am not sure when we first start learning to forgive. Is it the first time as an infant when we understand the word "no"? Or as a toddler when we are first forced to say "I am sorry"? There are so many variables involved. Is it being overtired, overwhelmed, frustrated, irritated, impatient, and so on, that seems to fuel the creation of extra speed bumps on the forgiveness road. Perhaps we could chose to pay attention sooner and deal with these emotional turmoils before the speed bumps in life get created.
For me, as an adult, the first step I remember was learning about the power of words and thoughts. To change what I was manifesting in my life, I stopped 'shoulding' on myself and changed my 'should's' to 'could's' - 'should' felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders, a must do, where 'could' was just a choice. I learned that whatever choice I made was the right choice for I would learn from it. There was no good or bad choice, just different lessons.
Next was how to do a forgiveness technique. I think it was repeating 'I forgive you' hundreds of times. Not much later I learned that forgiveness was for my benefit.
Then came the lesson of realizing that there were levels of forgiving. It was explained to me as a spiral or spring. Yes we completed the forgiveness at one point, then when we are ready, the universe gives us a chance to heal at a deeper higher level on the forgiveness spiral.
There was 'I forgive you', 'I love you', 'I release you to your higher good'. Somewhere along the way, forgiving also included forgiving myself.
There was the 8 step Master Mind prayer. I surrender, I believe, I understand, I decide, I forgive, I ask, I give thanks, I dedicate my life. Also affirmations, goal setting, treasure maps, workshops and courses, Master Mind weekend courses, and taking a personal inventory were part of this journey as well as keeping a gratitude journal.
Eventually, I heard about ho'oponopono, repeating the 4 steps. - I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.
I heard stories of people forgiving those that had killed their loved one. I recognized that fully forgiving means forgiving anyone and everyone. Staying neutral. Choosing not to add to the negative energy but to support positive forces.
This was coupled with experiencing years of the miracle power of prayer and energy techniques. Meditation as a tool taught me about changing weather patterns and decreasing crime rates.
There was lots of forgetting and revisiting each of the steps along the way. Many twists and turns in the road.
My reoccurring lesson seems to be, remembering to remember. Like in this moment as I am listening to the Coast to Coast A.M. radio show and a breaking news story about a mass shooting in Las Vegas. For a split second I started down that awfulizing fear based road, then I caught myself and remembered to stop and shift to sending peace and light to the situation not wanting to give energy to the negative. When the talk show resumed, the lady being interviewed asked the collective audience to take a minute to send peace and light to the area. There are others out there on this path.
But most of all I recognize that forgiving is a gift to myself, to you, and to the world.
As I wake up this morning to the news about last nights breaking news story, I am reminded of other lessons of love. 12 step Co-dependency workshops cleared my path so I saw clearly where I was and most importantly where I wanted to be. It was not my job to change other people. The only person I can change is myself. Lessons about personal growth as I once again noticed that others around me had changed, a clear indicator on my barometer measurement that I had made a shift. I am still a work in progress as I catch myself (or am caught) trying to change the driving habits of my husband and other strangers I encounter. I remember years ago wanting to get out at the next red light to talk to the idiot driver ahead to let them know we were both at the same red light. Thank God I didn't because a few blocks later they pulled into the same parking lot we were going to for our Sunday morning church service.
Another barometer reading is the moments in time when the synchronistic moments are flowing. Like back in the day of Master Mind group meetings at church. My thoughts on the way were, I need a hug, if I am late and the doors are closed I will go for a walk. I thought about making better eating choices at work as I had worked through lunch time and was frustrated with myself. When I got to church, I met a church friend and got a perfect hug. He told me the doors were closed. I turned around and told a lady coming down the stairs. She asked me if I wanted to go for a walk... As we were walking I learned that she was a nutritionist. Another valuable life lesson, watch what you think - you just might get it.
I am still in awe of synchronistic moments, like this morning as I am listening to last nights Coast to Coast radio show that I recorded on the TV last night. The interview turns out to be a useful tool this morning to remind myself to send positive thoughts of loving peace and light. Thoughts are energy.
So my invitation to you is to make change wherever you are on your path. My offer is to support you along the way. My offer is selfish. I realize just like doing exercise, I do better in a class with others to motivate me. If that old lady can do it, so can I. Left on my own I don't get around to exercising.
Now I am remembering back in the mid 1970's, I had the opportunity to teach macramé at adult night classes. I got books from the library and bought macramé supplies and taught myself to macramé before the classes started. Week to week I tried to keep ahead of my students. My answers to some questions - "I don't know, I will find out for next week". After the class ended one of the students came to my home for work purposes. She said on the phone that she was excited to see all the macramé I had. How embarrassing, I only had 3 or 4 plant hangings I had practiced on....
Thank you for this opportunity to walk down memory lane. Just like the old advertising slogan says, " I've come a long way baby ". At times it still feels like the journey has just begun, especially when I notice that I have slipped back to square one. Life is like a continual breaking news story. Each of us have a different perspective of the same event based on our own life experiences.
Another workshop gem I am reminded of is the 8 week session called Gemini that I took thinking it had something to do with my zodiac sign. Turned out to be about polishing the " GEM IN I ". The synchronistic timing of this self awareness, self assertive training tool came when I had left a 13 year relationship in 1991 which brought the gifts of spending time at a transition house. This also led to the co-dependency support group at the Unity Church and Sunday services where I met my husband. We are still active members. We both realized God had brought us together at the right time and we were extremely grateful to the people we had left for the part they played in our personal growth journeys as the next ride on our journey began together. I remember driving to the transition house from church one Sunday and every song on the radio had me shedding healing tears. When I parked, I thought I would continue listening - the next song had nothing to do with anything. My healing drive had ended.
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There comes a time when we chose to take that leap of faith and let go of the forgiveness process. It's like an old suit that just doesn't quite fit right anymore.
We explore 'what if' questions. We awaken to the possibility of a bigger picture that we have forgotten. Searching for our purpose. Why we chose to came here. We dive deeper into the very core of who we really are. Spirits having an earth bound experience.
'What if', at the big boardroom table on the other side, from a place of great love, we contracted with another soul being to harm them in some way as they requested. On this earthly plain it is hard to imagine a love that strong. Yet we hear stories from people that have had Near Death Experiences that talk about the indescribable intensity of love that they felt. We hear stories from mothers that say their son told them they would not live long or that they were a fighter pilot in WW2 and got shoot down. The evidence of other existences are all around us. We just have to be brave enough to open up to the bigger, greater picture of love.
Love that transforms us. Loving the people we feel have wrong us or others. Loving those that made contracts with other like minded souls to be filled in this lifetime of experiences. This is true forgiveness.
I chose to send peace and love out into the world. I pray for others to do the same. Together we can heal Mother Earth by shifting the negative energy over to the positive side. Research proves it can be done.
Transcendental meditation (TM) website www.worldpeacegroup.org has examples of such research proving that change happens when meditation group numbers equaled the square root of 1% of the population.
Love can bring peace and can heal the world. Love seems to be the answer.
I will leave you with one last GEM. A recipe for life on earth.
As the song says:
Row, row, row - your part is to row.
Your boat - who's boat?
Gently - how?
down the stream - maybe you need to turn the boat around
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily - how?
For life is but a dream.
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