THE STRUCTURE OF LOSING CONTROL

I'm sitting here wondering how to even start this story and realized that it is about the gratitude I feel.  Then it dawned on me that maybe one of those "The Structure of..." titles might fit.

Wow, the universe has already started me off with story titles for stories I had not even experienced yet.  This title says it all.

Divine order was certainly present and in control the entire time.  Even in those moments of upset, I noticed how I chose to go take a few deep breathes and use skills we have learned.  I found I would let the moment pass and be in that flow of gratitude.

This is the story of the magical journey we had moving my mom from long term care in Calgary to her first choice long term care residence in Strathmore.  She was on the wait list for over a year.

Monday, August 28, 2017, we got the call on our answering machine.  The ride started.  Tuesday I called back and confirmed that yes we wanted the room.  They were aiming for Thursday move in, as the next Monday was the labour day holiday.

More phone calls making arrangements, laundry done, bags packed, emails sent, flight booked.  We were amazed and grateful of the timing for this adventure.  The van has been in for repairs and we got a call Tuesday to come pick it up.

Mom was happy to hear the news that she was moving to Strathmore.

We usually drive to Calgary in our car or camper van, been a few years since we flew.  We were grateful we did not have to drive as the BC interior forest fires have forced 1000's to evacuate their homes.

Wednesday we flew out from Vancouver on the 6:10 a.m. flight.  Waited for the next flight from Vancouver to arrive to see if Ralphs lost luggage was on it.  Yippee, it was.  What a relief!  We rented a car, stopped at McDonalds to eat and check emails on the way to see mom.

Note:  We see the wait for the lost luggage put us in the right place in the right moment....  We arrived at moms just as she was finishing lunch, couldn't have been better timing.  We were able to take her directly down to the business office on the 1st floor for the discharge process.  Actually we were 15 minutes early, which was great as the gift shop was open for the 1st time in all our visits and we also got to wheel her around the courtyard outside one last time.  (Sure is smokey here from all the BC forest fires.)

Back at moms room, Ralph decided we might as well pack a few things to take with us as we were staying with my cousins in Strathmore.  No sense going with an empty car, right!  I scrounged up boxes, packing tape and a dolly.  I made some necessary phone calls and met with staff making arrangements.

By the time we left moms, the car was full.  The only things left to move were the recliner chair, a desk and mom.

A funny moment was when Ralph said that the dresser was really heavy.  He couldn't budge it.  No problem, I let him know that the dresser was NOT moms, it belonged to George Boyack, it stays in the room, he didn't need to move it..... He had wondered if it was bolted to the floor....

Had a wonderful visit with my cousins and a fantastic nights sleep.  Thursday morning they helped us unload the car load of stuff into moms new room.  Their son said he would pick up the chair and desk that afternoon.

The only thing left was mom.  Ralph and I headed for Calgary to pick her up with an oxygen tank from the new place.  Amazing how many things cropped up that weren't on my radar system.

All moms belongings have been stored at my cousins shop here in Strathmore, and Wayne, Terri and their son hauled moms table and chairs, china cabinet, TV stand and so much more over to moms new 'suite'.  Room already looks like she has been there for years.

Auntie Irene was at the front door to greet us as we drove up.  Mom and I met with Trisha in administration for the moving-in paperwork.

Later when Auntie Irene was going back to her floor for dinner, she introduced me to a lady in the dining room that knows mom.  The lady kept telling us she didn't get what we were saying....  I told mom about it.

Friday I noticed mom was at the same lunch table as the lady.  I pulled up a chair and introduced mom to her and her to mom.  I repeated what Auntie Irene had been trying to tell the lady.  Jack, that owned the bakery, his daughter just moved in.  Well, the light bulb turned on and they had a wonderful conversation.  I learned that the lady's mom had a shoe store.  She told mom that she can be proud of the bakery, that it was the best tasting baked goods.  Mom said, "especially the donuts". The lady said, "well, did you bring some donuts" and we all laughed.  When we left the lunch table, the lady said to me, "thank you for bringing back so many wonderful memories for me".  My heart was singing and I feel truly blessed to have witnessed the moment.

More signs noticed.  Mom's new phone number ends in 157.  I remembered our phone number when I was growing up was 3157.

Main phone number at Sagewood is -8000, just like our friends back home.

Moms lawyers name ends in 'wood'.

I use the pen name Sage.

Saturday, Ralph and I met with his son and the family in Red Deer for the day.  On the drive home there was a RV in front of us with the name - Discovery.  We had been to Discovery Canyon Park for the day.  And we were certainly on a discovery journey with mom.

On Sunday, we stopped at a garage sale on the way to moms.  We bought a file cabinet and clock.  Mom now has easier access to her files in a furniture looking cabinet that has her 'new' hearing device phone on it beside her recliner chair.  The old metal file cabinet that had been in the closet, is now in the ' Garage Sale ' pile.  My cousin and Ralph took the wheels off the china cabinet so it couldn't topple over.  On the way back to my cousins where we were staying, we saw a flock of crows/ravens.  They have been a comforting sign to me that my dad is around.  Usually, I just see one.

More unpacking and arranging.  Made connection with the other lady's daughter.  Lots of cute heart warming stories.  Monday the lady pulled me to her and kissed my cheek as she thanked me again.  She hadn't met Ralph yet, and when I introduced him, she hugged and kissed his cheek also.

Labour Day Monday, we got pictures hung and more paperwork filled out.  We had told her we would be back after dinner and had told her and the staff to put her in the recliner chair instead of bed.  We found her sitting watching TV when we returned.  We phoned her friend, Josie, to let her know she had moved.  Mom had trouble hearing.  First thing Tuesday morning we bought the new phone.  It should make life much more enjoyable for her.

The RN helped me with more paperwork they needed and decided that mom and I needed to go back to Trisha in administration on Tuesday morning for help.  We told mom we were leaving to fly home on Tuesday.

All the chores got completed Tuesday morning and when mom went for lunch, we said our goodbyes.  We took the Shaw Modem back to the Shaw store at Sunridge Mall in Calgary on the way to the airport.  We caught the delayed 6:10 p.m. flight home.

Back at home Wednesday morning, Ralph realized he had a retirees Union meeting to go to.  I started the process of making change of address phone calls for my mom.

Sage

THE STRUCTURE OF THE VIEW

Words are powerful.

Words can hurt and words can heal.

Words can be misinterpreted, misunderstood.

The meaning of words can change.  The meaning of 'slow' now means a few seconds when working on a computer.  New words are created and find their way into the written dictionaries.

To put this into context, I was born in 1949, making me a young 68.  I grew up in a time before computers and cell phones.  A time when words were exchanged in person or over the landline telephone or in letter form that we now call 'snail mail' that was delivered by the post office.

Words hurt me when I was misunderstood.  I resisted being labeled.  In grade school we had to fill out a survey form.  My answer to the question about my nationality was CANADIAN.  Apparently that was not an acceptable answer.  The teacher told me so.  She said the question meant, where were my parents born.  I said Canada.

Even back then we got caught in the web of lies we told.  Now with surveillance and cell phone cameras everywhere and social media sites, we are even more at risk of being over exposed.  Caught in our webs.  Our past is now dragged into our futures as we job hunt or apply for college.  Our online presence is examined as the truth about us, even if we have changed.  We are judged without the opportunity of defending ourselves.  We are labelled by the childish actions of our past.  It may even affect our freedom as countries we travel to refuse our entrance.  We chip away at chunks of our own freedom, narrowing our scope of future endeavours.

Words so publicly used now, stripping away opportunities to enter politics, land jobs that involve travelling to other countries, pursuing musical or acting careers and so much more.

One day while my friend drove me home from the Cancer Clinic appointment, I told her about an upcoming treatment I feared.  She said something about 'at least it's only 8 hours'.  I said something like, 'you're right.'

A month later I saw her again.  She asked me if I was still mad at her?  Turned out she had stayed away from church because she thought I was mad at her.  Truth was I was telling all our mutual church friends how much what she had said had helped me go through the treatment.

In my work life, my instructions sometimes were misunderstood.  Turned out my words could be read two different ways.

Years ago I had the opportunity to read my medical file.  I found mistakes.  It said my paternal grandfather had had cancer.  Not true.  My moms dad did.  The file said I had recently quit smoking.  Truth is I only tried smoking a few times as a teenager.  I did not smoke.  I wanted all the mistakes in my file to be corrected.  I was told that only the doctor that wrote it, could change it.  A near impossible task.  So these mistakes follow me as the truth about me.

You get the picture.

Sometimes mistakes and misunderstandings result in life changing gifts.  Like my stay in hospital when a psychiatrist resident made daily visits to me.  His assessment was that I was depressed because one day he found me in bed and I did not sit up when he arrived.  Then he commented the next day that I was doing better because I had immediately sat up on the side of the bed.  I can only imagine what he wrote in my file.  Truth was, I had just returned from a marathon walk of the hospital halls the first day and had just gotten comfortable in bed when he arrived.  I wasn't going to move for any reason.  The next day I was not physically exhausted from walking the halls and had the energy to sit up and entertain the fledgling doctor.  His misunderstandings because he did not bother to check if his assumptions were accurate, turned out to be a wonderful gift in my life.  Once I was back home, I got a call from the Mental Health department asking if I wanted to take the Later Life 8 week course.  Yep...  This led to accessing other free programs like ear acupuncture, yoga, nutrition programs and more.

There are as many different views of the same me as there are those looking.

The inspirational quote on the current level I am playing on Oprahs online game, Bold Moves, is 'You're Your Own Hero'.  A message that inspires me, an affirmation I am told every time I play.

We are the expert of our own body, our own lives.  We are the only one that knows all the story details, the only one that has a clear view.  Professionals are experts in their field, part of the team.  I chose to trust my wise knowing self.

Sage

   

THE ACT OF HEALING - A Step By Step Approach

When writing a story to create a digital video, an ebook, a script, a screenplay, a song, or a book, there is a first step.  Books get broken down into chapters, chapters into paragraphs, paragraphs into sentences, sentences into words, and words into language.  A storyboard is created to guide us through the process.

The structure of the book depends on all of the steps.

The same is true for healing the body.

So where do we start?  What is the first step?

Science tells us that the mind, what we think, affects the body.  Is healing the  mind, the first step?  If so, where do we start?  When do we start?  Before or after the body presents with a dis-ease?

We have all been bombarded with many of the tools and techniques out there, many ideas, many right ways, many beliefs.  Some resonate with me, some don't. The self help industry is like religions, all saying the same thing using different ways to get to the same end point.

Is it what we chose to believe that shapes our life?  Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?  Do we have a negative life because we continually affirm negative thoughts?  All points to ponder.

This is a storyboard of my personal experiences.  A recording of moments that left me shaking my head in awe, wondering how.  Moments of being in the right place at the right time.  Moments of thoughts popping into my mind, like this story idea.  True stories, some that are hard to believe.  Stories that I saw happen, I was there, it was my experience.  No, I wasn't on drugs or drunk.  There were witnesses, I was not dreaming or hallucinating.

A story of my own personal life journey.  A journey of learning to listen to my body, that wise self inside each of us.  A work still in progress that has already healed in so many ways.

In no particular order:

We were in Southern California at an RV park.  Our camper van was over run by hundreds of ants.  And I mean lines of ants marching everywhere, including up our legs.  Nothing worked to get rid of them.  Over the years I had taken training in Therapeutic Touch and other energy modalities.  We were taught that energy follows thought.  So as I was sunning by the swimming pool, whoosh, I suddenly had the thought to think of filling the van with white light to get rid of the ants.  No harm in trying, right!  When I got back to the campsite, I asked my husband about the ants.  He said they were gone.  Then again by the pool a couple of days later, I had the sudden thought to send white light to fill the van again.  Later my husband told me he had seen a few ants earlier, but none since.  We were ant free.

So over the years when we had mice visiting our condo, I remembered the ants in the van experience.  I pictured filling our suite and condo building with white light.  The mice always vacated, problem solved.

My first conscious experiments playing with energy were asking for an easy parking space at my destination.  It worked like magic.  One day, I drove around the blocks 3 times until I found a parking spot.  Instead of choosing to believe that the process didn't work after all, my thought was - I wonder what that was about?  When I walked into the medical building, the doctor I had wanted to run into to give him some paperwork, walked out of the elevator.  Perfect timing.  Thank you Universe, I was too early was I  - hence the 3 times around to find that perfect corner easy parking spot and at just the right moment so our paths would cross.  I was impressed.

I met a friend for lunch.  We were going to a weekly mask making workshop and we left late.  We just missed the bus....  Somewhere I had learned about 'stretching time'.  We did the simple technique which includes releasing, forgetting about, letting go of control.  We merrily caught the next bus, transferred to another bus, then walked the 3 blocks leisurely in wonderful conversation with no thoughts of being late or needing to rush.  Totally trusting that we would arrive when we are supposed to.  The doors were locked, when we looked at the time, we were early.  Normally a 1/2 hour trip had taken us 10 minutes in man made clock time.  I often stretch time when I start to get caught up in that 'hurry up rush mode' to remind myself that I am never late, (or early) trusting that the universe is in control and I will arrive when I am supposed to and we always do.  Being in life's flow - in the right place at the right time.

I have learned to be grateful for the traffic jams of life - all orchestrated to get me to the place at the time the Universe wants me to be there.

One day at the weekly relaxation group I volunteered at, the first client to arrive was visually upset.  We sat her in a chair and offered Therapeutic Touch as she shared her tears. Just as we were winding up and ending our healing conversation another lady rushed in apologizing for being 20 minutes late.  She said she had driven right by and hadn't noticed until she was a few miles past our location.  No apologies necessary.  It was obvious to the rest of us that she had arrived right on time.

Then there was the time I was heading home and just missed the bus.  My thought was, guess I was not meant to be on that bus.  I had made plans to meet my husband at a restaurant close to the sky train station.  Note, normally he would not so readily agree to such arrangements.  Walking from the sky train station I immediately saw a friend.  She asked if I wanted to go for coffee and catch up.  I told her I was meeting my husband at the restaurant and she accepted my invitation to join us.  And now, the rest of the story....  As the 3 of us were sitting in the restaurant, I heard the waitress say "hi Ted" to someone coming in the door, - my husbands sons name.  I went over to the pub side and sure enough, there was my husbands son.  I told him that we were sitting in the restaurant area and he came over to say hi.  Turned out that all his friends were there to honour a chum who had passed.  My husband went to say hi to everyone, some he hadn't seen for 30 years.

The opposite is also true.  Sometimes I forget to wake up and remember.  Sometimes when I don't listen to that small quiet voice, when I intellectualize it away, dramas occur.  Like driving from point A to point B, there are many routes to take.  Sometimes I have chosen, because we have free will choice, to ignore the quiet voice that tries to nudge me to go a different route, only to find there has been an accident up ahead.  Or the thought that said, go back through this door.  I ignored it and created a huge drama that shook things up for months.  Mmmmh, I think there is more forgiveness healing to do with that memory.

Things fall magically into place sometimes.  Another step by step process I have noticed.  Online webinars, emails, courses, people, opportunities appear out of the blue.  Perfect offerings from the Universe, at just the right moment.

Like natures gift of rainbows at a Reiki Master friends service to celebrate her life?  Her drum was displayed on the buffet table.  The family had asked four of us to do a drumming ceremony at the reception to honour their mom.  As we played, someone said, look at the rainbows.  We all went outside and there was one of the most vibrant brilliant rainbows I have ever seen, with 4 other muted rainbows underneath it, all perfectly lined up with the front door of her building.

So many moments, so many stories.  You get the picture.....

So why is it that I find myself going through another health challenge?  Which reminds me of a couple of years ago when I broke my arm as we were travelling through Utah.  A time when I wasn't listening to my wise self.  At the hospital, I asked what the name of the town was.  The answer, Fillmore, floored me....  You see we go to Unity churches wherever we are and Unity was started by Charles and Myrtle - you guessed it - Fillmore.

You can find more at lynnstory.blogspot.com  

I have learned to trust my body.  It is a mystery.  I still tend to ignore its calls to pay attention.  More healing work to do.

Sage

666 CONNECTIONS

History of the number 666.

Reversing negative into positive.  There was a time when I had to take a car back to get another part put in because the first repair part had the 666 number on it.  13 years I spent in that relationship.  Now my favourite numbers are, you guessed it, 13 and 666.

They are my symbols of personal growth.  Ralph and I got legal on a Friday the 13th.  We celebrate every Friday the 13th throughout the year.  I find 666 comes up all the time in my life now.  It floods my being with peace and love.

666 brings me comfort.  It is a sign that all is well, as it is meant to be.  Like just now.  We got a call from Ralphs brother to tell us our niece is in hospital.  After sending a prayer of love and peace to the family members, I went to the casino game I play, to collect more coins - there it was, 666, a sign that all is well, as it is meant to be.

Peace
Sage
P.S.
It's many months later and as I navigate though my own health challenge, my life is still flooded with my 666 blessing.  It continues to sooth my soul. Thank you God for such a helpful reminder.  I love this life.

THE GIFT OF RECYCLING- A Family Legacy

t was my moms idea.  I didn't see it coming.

My memories of the childhood that shaped my life, were shaded in pain.  I didn't feel safe.  Yes, there were many happy moments that tipped the scales.  I still wondered why I was so sensitive.  Why couldn't I just let things roll off my back like water off a ducks back?

It tortured me to make a mistake.  The fear of being embarrassed robbed me of living fully.  I realized my fear of being embarrassed not only robbed me, but I was also robbing others too.

There were times as a child that I hated my mom and her big nose.  I vowed never to be like her.  I hated it when people said I looked just like her.

I remember clearly when she turned 40, I thought she was ancient.

As an adult, I wrestled with with my childhood demons.  Co-dependency support groups, forgiveness work, art and music therapy, and so much more, all helped me to work through my issues.  I realized that I needed to grieve the fact that I didn't have a mom that was my best friend.  As I polished the 'GEM IN I', changes happened, my perspective shifted.  I changed my focus and became curious about my moms life from her eyes.

The year was 1989, and I was turning 40.  For some reason I had decided to celebrate all year long by doing all the things on my 'want to do list', that I hadn't gotten around to yet.  Like going on a hot air balloon ride...., a life lesson in being specific about what you ask for.  My ride was at a fair in a balloon that was tethered to trucks and took us up about 25 feet and back down.  The universe does have a sense of humour.

In 1989 mom went on a guided tour of Australia and New Zealand, two countries on my 40th birthday wish list that I haven't been to yet.  There was a stop over in Vancouver on the flight from Calgary.  Could we meet them at the airport, as she wanted to give me my birthday present?

She had crafted a beautiful photo album with my name on it and had recycled all the pictures of me and my friends and family.  In the back she had handwritten pages of information of all the relatives.  A family tree of names, dates, locations, their children and their children's children.  She did the same for my brother on his 40th.  Recycling as she downsized and decluttered.

Writing this I noticed the connection of the 40th birthdays.

The album has been a huge part of my healing journey, as I notice that I now love pictures that I once cringed at when I looked at them.  A clear indication to me that, like the advertising slogan said, "You've Come A Long Way Baby"

It is now 2017 and at 68 years young, I am finally comfortable saying,
thanks for the gift of recycling mom.  I love you.

Sage

HO'ONOPONOPONO EXPERIENCE

God morning!  LOL  Thought I had written good morning.  How sweet!  My hearts floating in the sea of love, just like that - at the snap of a finger trigger moment.  So much nicer than those opposite type trigger moments that send us on a downward spiral.  Smiling inside and out here.

Been writing this in my head all night long.  Decided to pick the two of you as my special audience.  Thank you for listening.

My Experience Doing Ho'onoponopono

  In the beginning, just like any other tool or technique I learn about, it soon falls by the wayside.  Take the HeartMath workshop for an example, I have not done the breathing since, have you?

  Then Ho'onoponopono (or any other technique/tool for that matter) is brought back to my attention.  The universe has a way of doing that, right!

  Ahhh!  Just noticing I am breathing deeper in the 5 second in, 5 second out cycle taught us on Sunday.  Now choosing to do it consciously as I write.

  So, just like everything else, Ho'onoponopono as a helpful tool, has drifted in and out and in and out and... and now in again.

  This time it seems to have stuck, become automatic, a natural, fall back on, practice.  At any moment I can remember to use it.

  Ever wonder why thoughts pop up in our heads?  I have.  There must be a reason, a way the universe is gifting us with an opportunity of sorts.  I have noticed over the years that my random thoughts are triggered by the 'now' moment.  Like all the leaves on the ground take both Ralph and I back to the 1990's when we house sat for the winter in Tsawwassen.  I raked up and bagged 17 of those big brown paper bags supplied by the city, with leaves and the neighbour took wheel barrows full to his compost pile.  The next morning the front yard was again covered in leaves.  We are having so much fun reliving and playing with those memories.  A few years later, when we were in Tsawwassen, we drove by the house.  The tree had been cut down.

   Then there are those moments at the other end of the scale that catch us and tangle us up in the web of fear, anger, upset....  A loop of conversation we may not even be aware of and then when we notice, we stay stuck in the quagmire.  Even having imaginary conversations with the driver ahead that I don't even know.  Judging them, punishing them, ridiculing them when we are both at the next same red light together.

  Triggers are all around us.  News, line ups, family, friends, situations galore.  Gifts from the universe, a fertilizer of sorts to support my growth.  

  For me, just like breathing, Ho'onoponopono can be used anytime, anywhere, at any and ever moment.  For me, it has organically developed - no planning involved.

 Just like I know I could pause and take a few deep breaths I notice myself:
         - not remembering, not doing
         - remembering, not doing in the moment
         - doing after the fact and feeling better
         - doing in the moment and feeling better (more often now)
         - pausing and doing before I create havoc (more often now)

  I have noticed that Ho'onoponopono and breathing deeper and pausing, and love, and being in the 'now', have all seeped into and become an automatic 'go to' for me (well, most of the time anyway - my human self still shows up at times)

  As I find myself praying the words - I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you, I notice:
        - the words get mixed up or not said/thought, so I keep repeating for that particular subject until I notice a shift.
        - other words seep into the process and I go with the flow.  A continuing changing process that I no longer need to control, know why or make perfect.
        - I recite the words with no situation in mind and trust the process and am amazed where the journey takes me
        - repeating the words as a way of getting off that merry go round.
        - using the tool before, during and/or after the drama I am in
        - to help make the switch from fear to love

  I find I use it everywhere, at anytime, for any reason, for no reason - just like breathing.

  I use it thinking of those that have crossed over.

  I use it on my guides and Angels and Jesus and God and and anyone else and everyone one else.

  I use it for those we hear about in the news.  Victims and criminals and responders and all their family and friends.

  I pause and use it when I hear sirens.  Blessing all involved.

  I use it blessing all involved in any test or appointment I have.  Right down to the inventor/manufacturer of the tools/machines, cleaning staff and so on.

  I use it on my body parts and on my emotions, feelings.

  Well, you get the picture....  brushing my teeth, showering, in bed at night and in the morning as I am waking up, etc.  During TV commercials, at church, in store line ups, driving, hundreds of opportunities all around us.  Waiting for the computer, kettle to boil, tea to steep, doing dishes, cooking.

   Like before I phone my mom in Calgary today, as a way of creating the best possible outcome for her eye appointment tomorrow.
 
   Try it out whenever a thought pops in as a way of paying attention to the gifts from our guides.

  So let me know about your experiences.  And thank you both for your support on my wonderful journey of life.  I love you both.  Bless you.

Sage

WHAT YOU NOTICE UNPLUGGED

Puttering in kitchen this morning moment.  No, not cleaning, LOL.

The "Plug In" story was percolating in my mind.  I am desperately wanting to find ways to get my mom 'plugged back into life'.

Then it hit me!  I need to get "plugged back into life".

Others are a mirror for us, reflecting back at us what we need to polish on our own "GEM IN I".  We see in others what we need to heal in ourselves.

I've known this to be true for me for decades.  I have shared these knowings with hundreds of others.  It is one of my core beliefs.

So here I am wondering why it took so long to dawn on me, that my mom is playing a role waiting for me to wake up, and smell the coffee.  It was in that small tiny detail of preparing the coffee maker for Ralph this morning, when I realized that I too need to get plugged back in.

WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

Oh my!  It was Wednesday, October 25, 2017 and what a night it was.

Backing up a number of months, I was first introduced to Craig Addy, a local musician on Self Discovery Radio (https://selfdiscoveryradio.com/2016/12/03/for-the-love-of-music/) hosted by Nathen Aswell.  His mission for the show is to celebrate songwriters who consciously seek to inspire and heal through their songs.

Nathen's show opened up a whole new world for me.  My husband, Ralph, and I attended Craigs weekly Music Oasis event at St. Andrew Wesley United Church that made my soul sing.  We are on his email list.  I wanted more.

Back to last night at the Wednesday night service at Unity and meeting the guest musician Serge Mazerand.

Things I noticed.

Getting out of the car, I had one leg out and the door came back and hit my knee.  My husband and I sat there rubbing and sending my knee healing messages.  As we went to entered the church we heard Janet call from her car, and we were introduced to Serge and Pilly.  As Ralph and I headed to the weekly Healing Meditation group, I said to him, "thats why the door slammed against my knee".  It put us in the right moment and place to meet them.

Then Serge and Pilly entered the room and Serge again introduced himself to me.  I got to tell him the story that had just unfolded.

The evening continued upstairs in the sanctuary at the weekly service. It was a captivating conversation between Rev Bruce and Serge about his new book 7 Keys to Serenity, sprinkled with improvised piano music.  I was getting my more.  We bought the book.

There is more...  As we were mingling in the lobby after the service, I was witness to a beautiful conversation one of our long time Unity members was having with Serge.  I learned more about her as she shared her family history.

What I noticed in the following hours is that I feel more connected to her.

It leaves me wondering if the key to the answers of healing the world conditions is to listen to each other's stories!

I feel truly blessed.

Oh, and excited to discover that Craig and Serge are in concert together Saturday night at St Andrews Wesley offering improvised piano pieces.

My week of healing is unfolding.  There is still an evening with Serge Friday night at Unity as well.

And as always, so much more.

Much love all.  Thanks for listening.
Sage

DISTRACTIONS ARE GOOD

People sometimes tell us we are running away from our life challenges.  They think we are using distractions such as sleep, TV, computer games, even keeping busy, so we don't have to think or deal with our situation. We are given the message that distraction is bad.

I think distraction is good.  A mini mind vacation.  It brings us into a balanced state.

Yet I find myself sometimes fighting for my distraction times.  Mostly with myself and that voice in my own head.

The ugly monster wants attention.  Always lurking there in the midst of everything else.  Sometimes robbing me of living life.

WHAT IF.... Millions to one

This story could be written millions of times using trillions of different titles.  What if we have been wrong all this time?  What if there is no magic in 10% or miraculous healing or P rince Charming or his female equivalent?

What if there was no need for pain or struggle, no need for destructive weapons and wars?  A global world free from famine, homelessness and racism.  No need for jails, hospitals, lawyers, courts, politics.  No need for pollution or insurance.  A world with no accidents, no robberies, no murders.

A safe nurturing world.  A Heaven on this earthly planet.

A land of no borders.

What would it take?  What is the magic answer?  What do we need to do?  How do we break the cycle?

We already have the answer.  It has been done by millions already.

Let's take tithing for example.  Church teaches us about the magic of 10% from an early age.  As children we give back 10% of what we have received each week.  The seed is planted.

Life evolves and we grow up.  We carry with us a load of unresolved baggage from childhood.  The idea of tithing for one.  Perhaps we resented having to give away money that we thought was ours.  We may have experimented and kept some or all of the 10%.  Perhaps the process was layered with guilt, shame, anger, fears, and so on.

At some point, we may have broken away from the church.  Topping off all those layers with more shame, anger, guilt, fears and so on.  Disappointed in the church.  Carrying the sadness of disappointing and embarrassing family and friends who may be trying to guilt us into conforming - returning to the church.  Even though we were right, we were not supported.

Perhaps our parents family and friends continued to turn a blind eye to what we could no longer tolerate.  Lessons that contradicted actions.  Singing songs like:
Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red, brown, yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight.
Jesus loves the little children
Of the world.

There are also many valuable life lessons mixed in along the way.  Standing up for what you believe in.

FRIDAY NIGHT CONCERT

I was stuck.  I knew what to write about.  I had taken notes as thoughts swirled in my head at the piano recital with Serge Mazerand.  Yet I was stalled.

Inspired by the book by Serge that I had bought the previous Wednesday night at the Unity service, I had the thought to use plumbing metaphors as my dad had been a plumber.  This thought made me giggle as I googled plumbing terms.

My dad has been fore front in my mind lately, as I am going through the same life medical challenge as he did.  So it didn't surprise me when I had the thought to honour him by using plumbing metaphors.


- This morning I chose to read the few pages leading up to page 49, my birth year and there on the pages were my answers in black and white, giving me what I needed, courage.  I am writing
- I have been going to sleep with the same soothing meditation music for months.  Last night I let my hands randomly chose another CD from the rack.  It turned out to be a Sylvia Browne one that began with a few bars of piano music.  Synchronistically bathed in the soothing waters of this evenings music again.
- Morning habits changed...  Made different choices to start off my day
- Disappointment in others and myself seems to be the running theme in my life.  Little mistakes I make, torture me.  Yet mistakes I see others make endear me.
- Like mistakes I made on the way to the concert, and immediately afterwards before even heading home, and yes even on the way home.
- And letting go of the past is another theme.
- We plug ourselves up and resent what we are doing.
- This week has been the perfect medicine for me at just the right time
- Make do mentality
- Seeing flocks? of crows, usually only see 1 or 2.  I take it as a sign from my dad.
- Whole subject of HABITS. Why do we hang on so tightly?

SUNDAY -
- synchronicity met new lady at top of stairs, showed her where meditation was and stayed.  Ralph and I had a wonderful conversation with her.  Ralph ran into Beverley, who gave him what he thought was a tickit toher sho, Sink or Swim in North Vanc.  He told her we are going to Gateway in Richmond.  She said to give the ticket to someone else...  So we gave it to the new lady at the meet and  greet time .  Then Ralph wondered if it was a ticket or advertisement.  Talked to new lady after service - she thanked me so much, she really enjoyed everything.  I told her it might not be a ticket after all.
- When we were leaving, I decided to use the washroom.  As I came out, there was Pilly and Serge.  I got to thank them and say goodbye.  As we were standing there some Mexican ladies walked past and Serge ask if one was a shaman.  Yes was the answer.
- No birthday cake > they forgot to buy one.  So we can leave to go to Memorial in Langley.  Renters coming in for 2 p.m. So we were asked to vacate fellowship hall promptly.

THE STRUCTURE OF LEARNING

In all the years I've been involved in doing various forgiveness work techniques I've noticed several constant results.
  - The work seems like it never gets finished.  New triggers to the same situation surface, buttons get pushed which creates opportunities for a deeper level of healing.
  - The list needing forgiveness work seems long.  There always seems to be more items on the list.  There seems to be no end.
  - Universe seems to have a way of giving us more to practice on.  The list seems to always be growing.  New situations seem to get created.  Maybe the first step needs to be how to stop this kind of creating.
  - Learning forgiveness techniques seems to be a step by step process.  Everyone seems to be on different steps of the same path.  Some seem more advanced.  Some teach us what they have experienced and we then teach others along the way.
  - Some seem to chose not to travel the path of the forgiveness road, not even aware that forgiveness is a healing choice for themselves.
  -But best of all, forgiving works.  I know this to be true for I have seen the change in me.  Most of the time I don't notice the change when it happens.  I recognize the signs of change when I am working on a project.  Currently I am decluttering and organizing photographs into albums.  I have noticed that I love the pictures of me that I once disliked.  When did that shift happen!  I have also noticed as I revisited past memories as I surfed through pictures of others from my past, that there seems to be more forgiveness work to be done.

  My question to myself is, how deep do I want to dive!

  I liken forgiveness work to a 'life review'.  What if, I did my life review now instead of when I die?  If I healed in this lifetime then I wouldn't have to relive the same lessons in another lifetime.  This motivates me to go through the emotions of change now.

  I am not sure when we first start learning to forgive.  Is it the first time as an infant when we understand the word "no"?  Or as a toddler when we are first forced to say "I am sorry"?  There are so many variables involved.  Is it being overtired, overwhelmed, frustrated, irritated, impatient, and so on, that seems to fuel the creation of extra speed bumps on the forgiveness road.  Perhaps we could chose to pay attention sooner and deal with these emotional turmoils before the speed bumps in life get created.

  For me, as an adult, the first step I remember was learning about the power of words and thoughts.  To change what I was manifesting in my life, I stopped 'shoulding' on myself and changed my 'should's' to 'could's' - 'should' felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders, a must do, where 'could' was just a choice.  I learned that whatever choice I made was the right choice for I would learn from it.  There was no good or bad choice, just different lessons.

  Next was how to do a forgiveness technique.  I think it was repeating 'I forgive you' hundreds of times.  Not much later I learned that forgiveness was for my benefit.

  Then came the lesson of realizing that there were levels of forgiving.  It was explained to me as a spiral or spring.  Yes we completed the forgiveness at one point, then when we are ready, the universe gives us a chance to heal at a deeper higher level on the forgiveness spiral.

  There was 'I forgive you', 'I love you', 'I release you to your higher good'.  Somewhere along the way, forgiving also included forgiving myself.

  There was the 8 step Master Mind prayer.  I surrender, I believe, I understand, I decide, I forgive, I ask, I give thanks, I dedicate my life.  Also affirmations, goal setting, treasure maps, workshops and courses, Master Mind weekend courses, and taking a personal inventory were part of this journey as well as keeping a gratitude journal.

  Eventually, I heard about ho'oponopono, repeating the 4 steps. - I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

  I heard stories of people forgiving those that had killed their loved one.  I recognized that fully forgiving means forgiving anyone and everyone.  Staying neutral.  Choosing not to add to the negative energy but to support positive forces.

  This was coupled with experiencing years of the miracle power of prayer and energy techniques.  Meditation as a tool taught me about changing weather patterns and decreasing crime rates.

  There was lots of forgetting and revisiting each of the steps along the way.  Many twists and turns in the road.

  My reoccurring lesson seems to be, remembering to remember.  Like in this moment as I am listening to the Coast to Coast A.M. radio show and a breaking news story about a mass shooting in Las Vegas.  For a split second I started down that awfulizing fear based road, then I caught myself and remembered to stop and shift to sending peace and light to the situation not wanting to give energy to the negative.  When the talk show resumed, the lady being interviewed asked the collective audience to take a minute to send peace and light to the area.  There are others out there on this path.

  But most of all I recognize that forgiving is a gift to myself, to you, and to the world.
 
  As I wake up this morning to the news about last nights breaking news story, I am reminded of other lessons of love.  12 step Co-dependency workshops cleared my path so I saw clearly where I was and most importantly where I wanted to be.  It was not my job to change other people.  The only person I can change is myself.  Lessons about personal growth as I once again noticed that others around me had changed, a clear indicator on my barometer measurement that I had made a shift.  I am still a work in progress as I catch myself (or am caught) trying to change the driving habits of my husband and other strangers I encounter.  I remember years ago wanting to get out at the next red light to talk to the idiot driver ahead to let them know we were both at the same red light.  Thank God I didn't because a few blocks later they pulled into the same parking lot we were going to for our Sunday morning church service.

  Another barometer reading is the moments in time when the synchronistic moments are flowing.  Like back in the day of Master Mind group meetings at church.  My thoughts on the way were, I need a hug, if I am late and the doors are closed I will go for a walk.  I thought about making better eating choices at work as I had worked through lunch time and was frustrated with myself.  When I got to church, I met a church friend and got a perfect hug.  He told me the doors were closed.  I turned around and told a lady coming down the stairs.  She asked me if I wanted to go for a walk...  As we were walking I learned that she was a nutritionist.  Another valuable life lesson, watch what you think - you just might get it.

  I am still in awe of synchronistic moments, like this morning as I am listening to last nights Coast to Coast radio show that I recorded on the TV last night.  The interview turns out to be a useful tool this morning to remind myself to send positive thoughts of loving peace and light.  Thoughts are energy.

  So my invitation to you is to make change wherever you are on your path.  My offer is to support you along the way.  My offer is selfish.  I realize just like doing exercise, I do better in a class with others to motivate me.  If that old lady can do it, so can I.  Left on my own I don't get around to exercising.

  Now I am remembering back in the mid 1970's, I had the opportunity to teach macramé at adult night classes.  I got books from the library and bought macramé supplies and taught myself to macramé before the classes started.  Week to week I tried to keep ahead of my students.  My answers to some questions - "I don't know, I will find out for next week".  After the class ended one of the students came to my home for work purposes.  She said on the phone that she was excited to see all the macramé I had.  How embarrassing, I only had 3 or 4 plant hangings I had practiced on....

  Thank you for this opportunity to walk down memory lane.  Just like the old advertising slogan says, " I've come a long way baby ".  At times it still feels like the journey has just begun, especially when I notice that I have slipped back to square one.  Life is like a continual breaking news story.  Each of us have a different perspective of the same event based on our own life experiences.

  Another workshop gem I am reminded of is the 8 week session called Gemini that I took thinking it had something to do with my zodiac sign.  Turned out to be about polishing the " GEM IN I ".  The synchronistic timing of this self awareness, self assertive training tool came when I had left a 13 year relationship in 1991 which brought the gifts of spending time at a transition house.  This also led to the co-dependency support group at the Unity Church and Sunday services where I met my husband.  We are still active members.  We both realized God had brought us together at the right time and we were extremely grateful to the people we had left for the part they played in our personal growth journeys as the next ride on our journey began together.  I remember driving to the transition house from church one Sunday and every song on the radio had me shedding healing tears.  When I parked, I thought I would continue listening - the next song had nothing to do with anything.  My healing drive had ended.

***
There comes a time when we chose to take that leap of faith and let go of the forgiveness process.  It's like an old suit that just doesn't quite fit right anymore.

We explore 'what if' questions.  We awaken to the possibility of a bigger picture that we have forgotten.  Searching for our purpose.  Why we chose to came here.  We dive deeper into the very core of who we really are.  Spirits having an earth bound experience.

'What if', at the big boardroom table on the other side, from a place of great love, we contracted with another soul being to harm them in some way as they requested.  On this earthly plain it is hard to imagine a love that strong.  Yet we hear stories from people that have had Near Death Experiences that talk about the indescribable intensity of love that they felt.  We hear stories from mothers that say their son told them they would not live long or that they were a fighter pilot in WW2 and got shoot down.  The evidence of other existences are all around us.  We just have to be brave enough to open up to the bigger, greater picture of love.

Love that transforms us.  Loving the people we feel have wrong us or others.  Loving those that made contracts with other like minded souls to be filled in this lifetime of experiences.  This is true forgiveness.

I chose to send peace and love out into the world.  I pray for others to do the same.  Together we can heal Mother Earth by shifting the negative energy over to the positive side.  Research proves it can be done.

Transcendental meditation (TM) website www.worldpeacegroup.org has examples of such research proving that change happens when meditation group numbers equaled the square root of 1% of the population.

Love can bring peace and can heal the world.  Love seems to be the answer.

 I will leave you with one last GEM.  A recipe for life on earth.

 As the song says:
       Row, row, row - your part is to row.
       Your boat - who's boat?
       Gently - how?
       down the stream - maybe you need to turn the boat around
       Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily - how?
       For life is but a dream.

 

 

THE STRUCTURE OF THE CARDS

The journey of the Mermaids and Dolphins deck continues to amaze me.  The other morning I started my day with the cards, as I continued the story that is unfolding.  Previously I shared that the cards in the deck that were right side up as I was thumbing through them before shuffling them, were speaking volumes to me.  I am still on that journey of choosing to read the next card the next day...  Sometimes I have read a card in the morning and a card at bedtime.  Sometimes I go days without reading one.  The choice is in the moment and beautiful choices they have been.

Like a couple of mornings ago, I ended up reading 4 cards.  They seemed to belong together like a road map for the day.

As I revisit the cards to write this, I notice the darkness in the picture and the light shining from inside the TREASURE CHEST.  The words in the guidebook remind me to "remain in a state of gratitude...., it reveals your faith..."  Treasure that ".... comes in wonderfully unexpected ways"

The picture on MUSIC FOR MANIFESTING has a mermaid playing a harp.  I remember my joy as I experienced playing a harp one year at the Therapeutic Touch workshops on Orcus Island.  Those memories open a whole new door to a flood of delightful memories and remembering people that I hadn't thought about for years - treasured annual workshop friends.

As I write this, I hum as I follow the cards instruction to add more music "To manifest rapidly, think of your hearts desire while you chant, hum, sing, or play music"  Every word in the guidebook sings to me.  "....Music is part of the invisible realm, and is of a higher frequency than that of the physical plane..."  " .... Move your body to the music, and breathe in deeply as you listen to it, drawing in the energy of each note..."  " .... Use music as a manifestation tool...."  "... self-made music sends your manifestations into the ethers....."  Making sound makes me breathe deeper.

Then there were 2 upside down cards and for the 1st time on this journey I wonder what those cards are.  Should I look at them?  Are they supposed to be part of the journey?  Should I have been looking at all the upside down cards all along?  Why am I curious about them now?  I had no trouble surrendering, ignoring, letting them go before.  What am I supposed to do now?  Okay, okay - so I looked.  The 2 cards are READY, SET, GO and EMPOWERMENT.  Both cards I have pulled and wrote about before.  They are a confirmation of what I am already doing - writing and sharing.  They make sense and are definitely part of this mornings story.

To refresh, READY, SET, GO reads - "Now is the perfect moment to dive in and embrace your heart's desire."  EMPOWERMENT - "You're more powerful than you realize.  It is safe for you to be powerful."

Which leads me to the next right side up card.  DREAM BIG.  "Let go of small thoughts about yourself!  See yourself succeeding."  I have pulled and written about this card before.  It instructs me to write down on paper all my fears and then drown the paper in water.  No, I haven't done that exercise yet.

CONTEMPLATION TIME - "Spend time alone, meditating upon what you truly desire." is the final card in the group of four. The guidebook exercise is to get outside in nature with a pad and pen and write questions and answers to -  "... What do I want to do next?  What's my heart's true desire right now?"

Again, a strong "desire" theme keeps coming up - at Unity, with the cards, everywhere.

I didn't ink it, but I did experience the most divine led day yesterday connecting with and enjoying nature as I walked on Mother Earth and witnessed crow and blue Heron and soaked in all that the trees offered.  All because I forgot to take the bag of slides I was taking to the library to scan and digitize when Ralph dropped me off on his way to his TOPS meeting.  This unexpected side trip of catching the bus to where Ralph was going to, was magical.  It structured the timing of the day differently.  I started scanning slides late which made finishing the project later.  Ralph had joined me after his meeting, and we decided to finish the job instead of coming back again.  This was the 3rd day this week we had been doing this job and it felt good to be finishing today.

Timing was perfect.  We were finished in time for the Friday night dinner at the seniors centre, yummy BBQ ribs this week.  So you see, it was all meant to be.

Mistakes are just detours to enjoy.

Sage

HEALING TRIP - Home to Grand Forks

Planning started Tuesday evening when we read an email from Laura telling us that her dad had passed away.  He had been dealing with cancer for a few years now.

I said to my husband, we have got to stop putting off visiting people.

I first met Fred and Joan in 1970.  Fred and my first husband Walter, worked together.  There was a core group that worked together at Wood Fibre in Squamish.and went on hunting trips together.  Fred, Owen, Ron and Walter.

While in Squamish, Fred and Joan had a baby girl named Laura.  They asked Walter and I to be the god parents.

Fred and Joan moved to Quesnel then Surrey then Secelt.  They left the home they built and moved to Agassiz about 3 or 4 years ago so Fred would be closer to medical care.  We had good intentions but never got around to visiting them yet.

Ron and Natasha moved to Wasa Lake, Owen moved to Vancouver Island and Walter and I moved to Port Alice.  We kept in touch and got together for hunting trips.  In Port Alice we met Dan and Joyce.

Walter and I lasted 2 years.  My journey took me to Calgary, Vancouver and Toronto. Joyce and Dan, now living in Quesnel, phoned to ask if a co worker that was coming to Toronto for a Crisis Line Conference could stay with me.

That is how I met Alan.

I went back to Calgary to visit mom, dad, family and friends and to be a bridesmaid at a friends wedding.  Mom and dad were going on a trip to the Yukon and Alaska in their camper, did I want to come!  On the way back they dropped me off in Quesnel.  Alan was living with his sister and her family and I immediately fell in love with them all.  His family was the reason I stayed for 13 years.  We followed Bob and Brenda and all the kids to Surrey.  There Alan and I lived in a basement suite at Pete and Dorothy's.  Pete was a step dad to Alan and his 2 brothers and 2 sisters growing up.

It was in Quesnel that I introduced Alan to Fred and Joan and their kids.

We also visited Ron and Natasha in Wasa over the years.  Walter also stayed friends with them all and we would cross paths every once in awhile.

Back to Tuesday planning.  I researched flights, greyhound bus, road driving conditions and combinations of plane and bus.  Winter storm next 5 days, lots of snow warnings.  Wednesday we settled on taking the Greyhound bus from Pacific Central, the old train station, on Terminal ave at 6:30 a.m. on Thursday, Nov 16.

Up at 4:00 a.m. to catch the transit system bus, sky train to Vancouver.

And the healing begins.

Ralph shares that when he was 4 - 7 years old he went to Alexander Fresh Air Summer Camp in White Rock with his mom on the steam train from the train station that now houses the Greyhound Bus Depot.

As the bus pulls into the Langley bus depot, I am reminded of the last time I was there.  Alan and I had been on a trip and when he stopped for gas at Keremeos.  I refused to get back in.  The next morning I caught the Greyhound to Langley.  The car was in the parking lot and Alan was no where to be seen.  I jumped into the car and took off stopping at the house to grab a few things before he could get back.

And that was the end of Alan and I.  I stayed in touch with his sister Brenda and eventually introduced them to my current hubby, Ralph.  We would often cross paths with Alan.  Even ran into him at the casino in Kamloops where he was dealing blackjack.  So many stories within these stories.

Fred and Joan, Ron and Natasha also made the transition with me.  Me and Walter, me and Alan, now me and Ralph.  I learned from them all that they liked Ralph much better than Alan.

Owen passed away many years ago.

Ron passed away last fall.  He made Natasha promise not to have a memorial for him during hunting season.  We all got together May long weekend this year at Cranbrook.   We came from far and near.  Some of us camped in our RV's on the front lawn of their ranch house.  Walter got up and spoke at the open mike.  Sure glad he did, as I would never have recognized him.  We chatted a bit and I told him mom was now in long term care in Calgary and had said that she would love to see him.

Now we are headed to Grand Forks to send off dearest Fred to the hunting ground in the sky.  Walter is the only one left

So far, at 9:45a.m., just east of Hope, we blinked and then we were in a snowy winter wonderland.  10:30 now and it's beautiful blue sky and sunshine and the roads are clear.

We are now travelling the road to Kelowna from Merritt.  Never travelled this way before but always said 'next time'.  Thank you universe for such a lovely gift.  Went through another snowy winter wonderland and fog banks. Back to dry clear roads and beautiful vistas.

As I sit here formulating sentences in my head, I am delightfully distracted by a little one that got on at Kelowna.  I notice the tension I didn't even know I had drain off and a blissful relaxation soothed over me.  I wonder if anyone has ever recorded a child's chatter as a relaxation tool!

Yes, there are many gaping holes in this story, details untold.  All memories flooding back, full of ah, ha moments, all lifting and lightening my load.

Many blessings all
I love you

PLUG IN

I have been working desperately to find ways to get mom plugged back in.  Watch TV, phone us, phone others, send us clippings of silly jokes she finds, work on a jigsaw puzzle, help other people, play cards, do crossword and search word puzzle books, read the newspaper, go on outings, and so much more. I see that in her.  Even signing her name on the paperwork at her new home took time and patience but got easier for her to do.  She totally understood, but someone can easily misunderstand her if they don't give her the time to respond.

Since she has been in long term care she has lost all that.  When we visit her, I see all that still within her.

She has always read anything she has to sign.  And I saw her trying to do just that as she signed the paperwork at her new home.  It was a lesson she taught us as we were growing up.

I find that staff anywhere that has paperwork for me to sign, tell me again where I need to sign.  I look at them and tell them I have been taught well by my mother to always read what I am going to sign.  Did you know that changes can be made on the medical forms before you sign them?  Ie. Not agreeing to some part of it.

I wish I had known this back in the 1960's, when I had a cyst removed from my ovary.  After the operation, the doctor said, oh and we also took out your appendix so you won't have to have another operation.  Yeah right, more money for him.  Still pissed off about that I notice as I write this..  LOL

Then it hit me.

It happened gradually.  I barely even noticed.

I too, need to plug back in.

Mom is a wonderful treasured gift in my life.  As I unwrap each layer of beautiful colourful wrapping paper, I discover more of myself.  My own life journey would be different without her.  Thank you God.

WHEN WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT

Why do you do that.  ***How can I stop you from doing that***. I wish you wouldn't do that.  It bugs me.

It's about asking the question and the universe will answer.

Oh, when I fix that within me I just realized. The mirror reflection of what needs polishing in me.

Change myself and others around me change.  I know it to be true.  I have dozens of dozens of examples in my own life to fall back on and have witnessed the transformation in others around me.  I have observed others on this path achieve great successes.

LIFE DECISIONS

When did you start making decisions that made you smaller?  Decisions that were fear based.  Were you even aware you were doing it or were they carry overs, a family pattern?  A natural way of being for you.

We are heading home to Vancouver from Grand Forks, B.C on the Greyhound bus.  This weekend gathering to celebrate a life has been a wonderful trip down memory lane.  An opening up of a whole can of awarenesses for me that has me asking myself these questions.  Looking back at my life's fear based decisions.

I am again being delightfully distracted.  This time by the man sitting behind us on the bus.  When we got on he was gently singing along to what he was listening to.  It soothed and relaxed me instantly.  At the last stop I thanked him.  Now I am listening to more, its like being at my own personal music concert.

Ever since I can remember, I was always over cautious, playing the " what if " game.  What if I fell and hurt myself?  Well, cautious me has fallen - over the years I have broken both ankles, and my left arm, and hurt myself numerous times as I tumbled to the ground.  I think it is an universal law - what you fear the most comes around.

The first time I remember throwing caution to the wind, was running across a field chasing a kite and twisted my ankle when I stepped in a gopher hole.  3 months later the X-ray showed a piece of bone had chipped off which led to an operation.

Then there was ice skating on a lake with friends, again as a teenager.  Again, I decided to throw caution to the wind.   Next thing I knew my friends were taking me to the emergency.  The story told to me was, that I had tripped and flew forward hitting my head.  Everyone gathered around me and then fled when they heard ice cracking sounds.  They got me into the lake cabin and I remember the parents trying to get me to drink some whiskey.  Next thing I remember was arriving at the hospital emergency wondering what was going on.  The doctor told my friends not to let me go to sleep and I should be okay.  I remember desperately wanting to go to sleep.

Looking back, I also realize that a lot of my decisions were also based around money.  I didn't deserve, wasn't good enough, couldn't afford, not worth, not enough, other priorities, lack, lack, and more lack.

Don't want to put anyone out, bother anyone, upset anyone.....  Like this moment, afraid my concert music might be bothering other passengers.  Why am I taking on what is NOT mine to take on.  It is only putting a kink in my delightful experience.  I decide to let go and let be.  Much more enjoyable again.  I hardly noticed I was doing that to myself until I realized I was wondering if I should tell him he could turn it down 1 notch.

 Chiropractors, massage therapy, etc, were not even on my radar system back then.  Even to this day money still rules my decisions when I know from experience how much I love receiving these treatments.  More about that later.

As a teenager, my parents took my brother and I to the dentist, me for a checkup and to see if my brother needed braces.  They were told my brother will probably get teeth knocked out playing sports.  I got the braces.  All my life my mom nagged me to take good care of my teeth.  I finally figured out why, she had probably sacrificed a lot to pay the $2000.00 it cost.  I've done a lot of forgiving dentists over the years, but that's a whole different story.

As a middle age lady I fell off my bicycle and broke my other ankle.  Then in Utah, I missed the curb at a gas station stop and broke my left arm.

I enjoy being an arm chair athlete watching programs like American Ninja Warrior.  I marvel at how they come back from serious injuries.

  🔑🔑 More about my journey into the land of complementary therapies.  In the 1970's my first formal training was in reflexology at the Surrey school board adult education classes.  In 1992, I found my dream come true, a medical institution which offered and taught both relaxation classes and Therapeutic Touch (T.T.)  Clients and family could book a session to have T.T.  Staff as well as volunteers offered these services.  The program was set up and offered to other communities around the province.  Additionally, there was also Art and Music Therapy available.  I spent 5 years there volunteering.

When my own community started a relaxation group under the umbrella of the Richmond Hospice, I made the switch and helped as a volunteer for many years.  I also offered and taught others about T.T.

I became involved with a monthly Holistic Night program where practitioners of various modalities would offer their services.  The program expanded and we added guest speakers and manicures and pedicures.  At the request of clients we took a proposal to the seniors centre staff across the street.  Our model was dovetailed with the monthly blood pressure clinic already in place.  To date there are now 8 community centres offering a monthly Wellness Clinic.

For many years, all of us practitioners would do exchanges with each other.  Over the years I added Cranial Sacral (C.S.) and Reiki, Hover Touch and a few other modalities to my grab bag of tools.

The cost to clients in the beginning was $5.00 as a way of having an energy exchange.🔑🔑.]]].  Today's cost is now $12.  So why am I not accessing the program as a client?  A program I volunteered at for years.  Certainly can't be money.  Why am I not getting together with other practitioners?  Why am I not working on myself?

🔑🔑 Hover Touch was taught by a past minister at church.🔑🔑  There are others that still use those skills on anyone that asks.  Why am I not asking, that is the question.

More fear based decisions.

My high school friends and I were experimenting, sitting in a circle holding hands having a seance.  Someone tapped me on the shoulder - it scared me and I ran downstairs to where my parents were.

In 1969, I took the T.M. meditation course.  One day while meditating, I again was scared.  In the 1970's, I took courses with PSI (People Searching Inside).  During one of their guided meditations, I again scared myself when I had a clear visual experience.  I usually got more of a feeling sense of things.  Over the years I have become more comfortable in trusting the information I get.

Sometimes the information is very clear, a decision to be made.  Like when I was taking meditation classes at the Washington Psychic Institution in Vancouver, B.C.  On the drive home I missed my turn off.  As I travelled down the straight street I was on, there was a straight line of clouds above me.  On one side dark stormy clouds, on the other, blue sky.  The choice was clear.  Leave the relationship I was in or continue on and pick him up at his sisters place as planned.  I picked him up and stayed a few more years because I didn't want to lose my friendship with his family, especially one of his sisters.

That decision put me in the right place at the right time to meet my current husband 26 years ago. We have always been very thankful to our previous spouses for their part in our journeys.

In recent years I have experienced the power of prayer.  The prayer chaplain training taught me that confidentiality also meant not telling others about someone's good news, like an upcoming trip.  We were also taught not to ask people how they are, but to say, "it's nice to see you".  This is important especially if we had prayed with the person, as they might not want to be reminded in the moment.  I think this would be a good thing to teach everyone.. I spend time hibernating and isolating to avoid these tender moments.

I too have been on the opposite side.  The one running around telling everyone I see what so and so just told me about them going on a cruise or tour or whatever.  Robbing the person of the joy of telling others themselves or choosing who they want to tell.  Or on the other end of the spectrum, sharing difficult news of a diagnosis.

Then there are the hundreds of people I have asked, "How are you?"  Even strangers that I have said to, " I hope you were having fun when...."   I ask everyone I have wronged for forgiveness.

Life is a balancing act full of decisions to make.  I have learned that whatever decision I make is the right one, just different lessons along the way.

My balancing act has been sprinkled with HAM radio and wood carving events with my husband.  Playing Texas Holdem poker at the seniors centre.  Cruises, travelling the Thousand Trails membership RV resorts, even exploring our own community and all the activities right here at home.

Most recently we have been involved in learning how to create digital stories.  I spent 3 days at the local library scanning and digitizing boxes of old slides and have gone through and reorganized all the photos that have been stored away for 15 years.

And most importantly, I am writing again.

More story ideas are bubbling up.  Catch you next time.

Sage

MY EXPERIENCE OF YOU

Forward

From far and wide to near and dear, you have touched my life.

Whether you are a book, TV commercial moment or show, an online course, an old dear friend or newly met, or seemly a stranger who just passed by.  You know the ones, the driver that cuts you off or the stranger on the news that makes the headline of the day.

All precious beings doing the jobs they came here to do.  I love you all.

Chapter 1

I have been waking up with a title in my head.  A couple of months ago, it was The Structure Of....  I immediately got up and started writing them down.  When the well dried up, I counted 22 titles.  My husband and I were both born on the 22nd.  Six stories have been written, and now I am wondering if this one fits one of the titles.  Or for that matter, any one of the other multiple writings.

Let's start with our basic family unit.  Are they near and dear?  Of all the different places and situations we could have been born into, why did we choose this one?

Here I sit, born and raised in Canada  - a typical middle class upbringing, feeling disgruntled, beaten down, being hard on myself, like I have been fighting an uphill battle.  Why?  I could have chosen a third world, war ridden country - what do I have to complain about?  Really? 

Is my 'stuff' really that important in the scheme of things?  I remind myself that I am a flea on the back of an ant, on the back of a mouse, on the back of a cat on the back of a dog on the back of a horse on the back of a camel on the back of an elephant.  You get the idea, I am just a tiny weenie piece of the bigger puzzle.

All my life I have tried to feel better by this type of thinking bigger.

In my teens I volunteered once a week at a nursing home.  I always felt better after a shift, as there were so many people worse off than I was.

Chapter 2

Everything is going my way.  Synchronicity moments are flooding my life.  Divine guidance is present.  Relationships have healed.  I have healed on so many levels.  I experience a deeper sense of peace.

So why do I still feel there is something missing?  My actions tell me so.  I still fly off the handle and over react at situations, at my husband, at drivers on the road.  Still fall into the trap of giving energy to a friends journey.  Most of all, my body functions tell me so.  

Still have work to do in polishing my own Gem In I.  

As I sit here in the flow of divine love energy, I wonder what the 'missing something' is.

Sage