MY ANGEL IN THE FORM
OF A FRIEND
My daily radiation treatments were coming to an
end. I had made it through the original
25 treatments, only to be told that they had added another 5 side to side
treatments which required another mapping session and more tattoos. Then, one day the radiology technician gave
me an appointment card for a Selectron Obturator Insertion and a brochure
explaining the procedure. Isolated and
alone, I would have to lie perfectly still in a hospital bed in a lead lined
hospital room for 4 hours while being hooked up to a computerized machine that
would shoot radioactive pellets into me.
If I needed to move, I would have to ring for a nurse who would have to
shut the machine off before she could come into the room to assist me, making
sure the Obturator device stayed in the correct position. I was scared and angry. I felt I had been blind sided. No one had ever mentioned this procedure to
me before. It was a complete
surprise.
Now, you’d think I would be used to surprises
by now. After all, I never knew the time
of my next day’s appointment until the end of that day’s treatment session when
I got my appointment card back. Early on
I had asked not to be scheduled on Monday or Thursday mornings from 10 – 11:30,
as I wanted to attend the relaxation groups.
They did a magnificent job accommodating me, booking my treatments
before or after the groups, even telling me a couple times when they were
running behind schedule, to go to the relaxation group then to come back
afterwards.
All the thoughts in my head, that dialogue
with myself, goes unheard. “Why me? How could the doctors do this to me? I don’t like surprises. They should have warned me, given me a choice
– a right to say yes or no. I am a
person, not a cow following the rest of the herd, no questions asked. What would happen if I didn’t do it? Would I be okay? Do I really need it? Would the cancer come back if I didn’t? Would I die because I didn’t? What am I going to do?”
I was bursting at the seams, no one to talk
to. We were all trying to take care of
each others feelings, trying to make things easier for others at the expense of
ourselves. In this atmosphere of fear,
the truth goes unsaid. Just when I
needed it most, an angel came to my rescue in the form of my friend,
Karen. She had met me at the cancer
clinic that day to attend the relaxation group and had insisted on driving me
home.
I began telling her about the upcoming
procedure. When I finished explaining it
to her she said, “ I’m glad you only need a 4 hour session”
I was so relieved. I suddenly felt lucky, I could survive 4
hours. I was grateful, if other people
could endure up to 24 hours, I could do a mere 4 hours. I remember excitedly saying, “Thank you so
much, that really makes me feel better.”
Because she was busy driving, I guess she
didn’t see how relieved I was. For
weeks, I told everyone how helpful what Karen said had been. It got me to and through the procedure with
flying colors.
The next time I saw Karen, she gingerly asked
me “Are you still mad at me?” Turned out
she had been avoiding me believing what I had said in the car was in
anger. A total misunderstanding, a huge
gap in communication. I had no
idea. She was so relieved to hear how
much her words had helped me. Now she
was feeling guilty for avoiding me.
I don’t know if she ever really understood
what a gift she was to me in the moment.
A real angel on earth, magically appearing just when I needed her the most.
By Lynn
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