I first connected with Judith at an Orcus Island, WA. annual Therapeutic Touch workshop. She lives at a lighthouse on the B.C. coast, so her T.T. practice is done long distance. This is the report I received in the mail of my first L.D. T.T. session.
MARCH 23, 2004 7:20 a.m.
At the start of this treatment, I realized you wanted advice and suggestions, also support in your decision making. I am going to relate all that comes to me and like Mark Rider states, 'you can take the ones that fit, just like Cinderella.'
As I began scanning the upper front part of your body, the first impression I got was how truly delicate your spirit is. I do not mean fragile. I mean beautifully designed. Like a Calypso orchid vs a sunflower. Both are able to survive well in their environments, which can both be harsh. Or how about the comparison of a humming bird to an elephant. I think my interpretation of this is that it is important to see yourself as delicately beautiful rather than fragile and weak. It is such a beautiful image the way it was presented to me.
The next image I got was that it was hard to locate your lower body from the waist down. This usually means that there is need for grounding. Another interpretation is that one is too much in the head. I find this is quite common. It took 2 - 3 passes to get the lower images clear. I would suggest walking as if your lovely feet were kissing the earth and give the rest to God. Let the higher powers worry about the future, you have today to see and be and caress. Love simpler, quieter. That is more difficult now a days as people have so much "to do" instead of so much to "let be".
Wow, all that and I have only scanned the front once. This is quite a treatment already.
A 2nd scan of the front showed that the body was well established now, but there was a general congestion.... not a lot. On a scale of 1 -10, maybe 4. We'll see how that develops through the treatment. As I stop to take notes, you shift with the energy I have introduced so I have to do less and because it is you doing it, it is more of what you need.
In the back, I reached the same level of congestion. It does not seem to be in a specific area, just generally. I got an image of you swimming as a method of clearing... of relaxing and also gaining exercise. Would that be possible for you to swim on a regular basis...just for you. I sense the water as warm and supportive.
On the 2nd scan of the back there had been a big shift. It is now down to a deeper, calmer level. This level has more of an energized nature to it. Maybe all that was needed was clearing for it to surface. I went down the backbone in small circular motions...it is a technique much like Dora's.
Scan of entire body showed a silky field which was delightful to feel. Great work on your part.
Hope these images are of some help.
Session ended at 7:48 a.m.
The healing lessons continue. As I share these words with others, connections are made. Lessons that continue as I write this. Lessons in asking permission, needing to be right, not wanting to make mistakes, perfectionism, being misunderstood, needing approval.... Realizing how much power this gives to others and making different choices. Releasing and letting go of all that I do not need. So a simple request for a long distance T. T. session has connected me with so much more each and every moment.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Saturday, February 19, 2005
MEETING SALTY O'CONNOR OF NEWFOUNDLAND
Well, never in a million years would we have dreamed of doing what we ended up doing yesterday.
We had decided to decide in the moment what we were going to do - the country fair at the United Church, the big garage sale - fund raising for the cat shelter - the film downtown...Good thing we are flexible. We would have missed the opportunity the universe presented.
You see, while Ralph was with the other HAM radio club members at their Sat. morning coffee meeting at the food fair in Lansdowne Mall, a man needing help came to them for directions.
His story went like this.
His name is Salty O'Connell. He is a fisherman from Newfoundland. After discussing it with his wife, they had decided that he should come to B.C. and get a job on a fishing boat here. He arrived in Coquitlam on the Greyhound bus. He was told by a cab driver that the fish boats were in North Vancouver. So he took the cab there. Found a bed and breakfast place that gave him a deal on a weeks stay. He talked to all the fisherman and was told to try out at Horseshoe Bay. No luck there either. One of the fisherman brought him around to Steveston. Same story. No jobs there either.
Back at the Bed and Breakfast he had a chance meeting with a 80 year old man that was staying there one night. This guy said he could get him a job in northern Alberta by making a phone call. The guy made the call, Salty has been hired on to work with a company in Northern Alberta making roads for the oil drilling sites. The boss told him to meet a truck driver out at the scales in Surrey by the Petulla Bridge for a ride to Alberta. The boss told him all the stuff he needed to buy for the job. Warm clothes, chain saw etc.
You guessed it. Salty is out of money now and has not eaten in 3 days. So the boss guy gives him a young guy's address in Richmond and tells him that guy will give him enough money for food and expenses for his trip to Alberta.
But, it turns out the young guy has moved to South Cloverdale. So now Salty needs directions on how to get to the Cloverdale address. He plans to walk there.
Turns out he has to be at Annicis Island to meet his truck driver ride to Alberta by 3 p.m. ( It is now noon )
Ralph phoned me, and you guessed it, we drove Salty to Cloverdale. We never did find the young guy. So we did the next best thing. The only thing to do. We told Salty that we would drive him to Annicis Island to catch his ride and give him the money ourselves.
Which is exactly what we did. We also got to take him to Tim Hortons for something to eat with time to spare.
What a wonderful being he is. His story of this journey is about doing what he needs to do for his family. The way his eyes and face lights up when he talks of Carol, his wife and their 4 kids ( 2 boys and 2 girls ) His tenacity and persistance. I have never experienced anything like it. I hope I can be half the ' (wo)man ' he is. So, many lesson manifested in one human being. A man full of pride and not one to beg for what he needs.
His described Ralph and I this way.He had come to trouble waters, rapids and currents blocking his way. WE ARE THE BRIDGE BUILDERS. We built a bridge, a way for him to get over the troubled waters.
He left us with the following Newfie blessing. "When you die, may your coffin be built of Oak. And may the Oak be a 100 years old and the tree be planted tomorrow."
I hope my words gives the man, Salty, the justice he deserves. It may be just one of those times when you just had to be there to experience the moment personally. Many other things happened in that ride. He has seen, read and knows more about Vancouver than we have for years. The trucker that is driving him to Alberta has already told him that he doesn't like Newfies. He is angry that Newfies are coming to his home province of Alberta and taking all the jobs away from Albertains. He is only giving Salty a ride cause he has to, the boss guy is making him. That there is no way he is going to do anything more for him - like buy him meals.
Salty, has done more than most good men would. The memory of him will fuel my life in the future. God Bless him and all the rest of us.
And I haven't even touch on what his wife must be going thru back in NFLD. What an inspiration.Well gotta run for now.
Ask questions. Spark my creativity. Get clarity. Remind me to write about my ah ha about needing to correct, before we connect. Much more to come.
We had decided to decide in the moment what we were going to do - the country fair at the United Church, the big garage sale - fund raising for the cat shelter - the film downtown...Good thing we are flexible. We would have missed the opportunity the universe presented.
You see, while Ralph was with the other HAM radio club members at their Sat. morning coffee meeting at the food fair in Lansdowne Mall, a man needing help came to them for directions.
His story went like this.
His name is Salty O'Connell. He is a fisherman from Newfoundland. After discussing it with his wife, they had decided that he should come to B.C. and get a job on a fishing boat here. He arrived in Coquitlam on the Greyhound bus. He was told by a cab driver that the fish boats were in North Vancouver. So he took the cab there. Found a bed and breakfast place that gave him a deal on a weeks stay. He talked to all the fisherman and was told to try out at Horseshoe Bay. No luck there either. One of the fisherman brought him around to Steveston. Same story. No jobs there either.
Back at the Bed and Breakfast he had a chance meeting with a 80 year old man that was staying there one night. This guy said he could get him a job in northern Alberta by making a phone call. The guy made the call, Salty has been hired on to work with a company in Northern Alberta making roads for the oil drilling sites. The boss told him to meet a truck driver out at the scales in Surrey by the Petulla Bridge for a ride to Alberta. The boss told him all the stuff he needed to buy for the job. Warm clothes, chain saw etc.
You guessed it. Salty is out of money now and has not eaten in 3 days. So the boss guy gives him a young guy's address in Richmond and tells him that guy will give him enough money for food and expenses for his trip to Alberta.
But, it turns out the young guy has moved to South Cloverdale. So now Salty needs directions on how to get to the Cloverdale address. He plans to walk there.
Turns out he has to be at Annicis Island to meet his truck driver ride to Alberta by 3 p.m. ( It is now noon )
Ralph phoned me, and you guessed it, we drove Salty to Cloverdale. We never did find the young guy. So we did the next best thing. The only thing to do. We told Salty that we would drive him to Annicis Island to catch his ride and give him the money ourselves.
Which is exactly what we did. We also got to take him to Tim Hortons for something to eat with time to spare.
What a wonderful being he is. His story of this journey is about doing what he needs to do for his family. The way his eyes and face lights up when he talks of Carol, his wife and their 4 kids ( 2 boys and 2 girls ) His tenacity and persistance. I have never experienced anything like it. I hope I can be half the ' (wo)man ' he is. So, many lesson manifested in one human being. A man full of pride and not one to beg for what he needs.
His described Ralph and I this way.He had come to trouble waters, rapids and currents blocking his way. WE ARE THE BRIDGE BUILDERS. We built a bridge, a way for him to get over the troubled waters.
He left us with the following Newfie blessing. "When you die, may your coffin be built of Oak. And may the Oak be a 100 years old and the tree be planted tomorrow."
I hope my words gives the man, Salty, the justice he deserves. It may be just one of those times when you just had to be there to experience the moment personally. Many other things happened in that ride. He has seen, read and knows more about Vancouver than we have for years. The trucker that is driving him to Alberta has already told him that he doesn't like Newfies. He is angry that Newfies are coming to his home province of Alberta and taking all the jobs away from Albertains. He is only giving Salty a ride cause he has to, the boss guy is making him. That there is no way he is going to do anything more for him - like buy him meals.
Salty, has done more than most good men would. The memory of him will fuel my life in the future. God Bless him and all the rest of us.
And I haven't even touch on what his wife must be going thru back in NFLD. What an inspiration.Well gotta run for now.
Ask questions. Spark my creativity. Get clarity. Remind me to write about my ah ha about needing to correct, before we connect. Much more to come.
L.D. THERAPEUTIC TOUCH SESSION Nov 12/04
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 18:55:57 EST
I did not get your e-mail in time. I did do the treatment and I think
maybe it was a good thing because it may have given you some calm and peace
before you saw your doctor.
Here is what I got. Let me assure you that it is a joy when I have
the time free. I like to have unlimited time for you so that we can play in
that nice energy together.
I began the treatment at the usual pace through the head and chest,
but by the time I got to the arms the pace had slowed to a very slow rate. It
was deep. This seems to be a very unique trait of your field . . .depth.
As I continued to work down the front, congestion began to come to the
surface which was not there on the first scan. It released gently. I
especially noticed it around the shoulders and feet. I think because it is easy to
release the congestion from those areas that they were used as the drainage
points.
9:09 In the back, the left side was freer of congestion than the
right. The energy color was lighter as well. This resulted in my left hand
moving faster than the right hand. As I continued this began to come into balance
so that the speeds and energy were more equal.
I was next told to send energy to the kidneys and adrenals. It seemed
that it was needed there for more emotional stamina than physical stamina.
It came out as white light and the quantity was quite large. (I find this
fascinating since I did not find out until afterwards that you were heading to the
doctor's which I would imagine would be quite stressful for you.) I told the
field to take what it needed. It did not take it rapidly, but smoothly and
steadily. It allowed the field to clear as well so that my hands now moved more
rapidly.
9:20 I massaged down the spine and as I did, it expanded lengthwise.
The energy penetrated deeply. This requires a great deal of focus, but the
energy pulsation is wonderful. It feels clear here.
I then lay you across my lap to smooth out the emotional field. Of
all our treatments, you seem the most grounded in this one today. There is an
inner strength that is much closer to the surface today. Maybe the treatments
are helping you to tap Issy more fully. The field here is much more
integrated.
I know you have some tough medical decisions to make, but the
strength is there to do it. It would seem to me that the indecision is the most
draining energetically and you are learning to decrease that indecision. It
is you re-defining your needs more fully that is strengthening you. This is
awesome work and you are doing well in it.
Once again I was not drawn to any physical conditions in your chest or
breast. The field seemed to direct me to your inner strength and the
clearing that was required there to give you maximum stamina.
Session ended at 9:32.
I am thinking of you with loving, healing thoughts.
I did not get your e-mail in time. I did do the treatment and I think
maybe it was a good thing because it may have given you some calm and peace
before you saw your doctor.
Here is what I got. Let me assure you that it is a joy when I have
the time free. I like to have unlimited time for you so that we can play in
that nice energy together.
I began the treatment at the usual pace through the head and chest,
but by the time I got to the arms the pace had slowed to a very slow rate. It
was deep. This seems to be a very unique trait of your field . . .depth.
As I continued to work down the front, congestion began to come to the
surface which was not there on the first scan. It released gently. I
especially noticed it around the shoulders and feet. I think because it is easy to
release the congestion from those areas that they were used as the drainage
points.
9:09 In the back, the left side was freer of congestion than the
right. The energy color was lighter as well. This resulted in my left hand
moving faster than the right hand. As I continued this began to come into balance
so that the speeds and energy were more equal.
I was next told to send energy to the kidneys and adrenals. It seemed
that it was needed there for more emotional stamina than physical stamina.
It came out as white light and the quantity was quite large. (I find this
fascinating since I did not find out until afterwards that you were heading to the
doctor's which I would imagine would be quite stressful for you.) I told the
field to take what it needed. It did not take it rapidly, but smoothly and
steadily. It allowed the field to clear as well so that my hands now moved more
rapidly.
9:20 I massaged down the spine and as I did, it expanded lengthwise.
The energy penetrated deeply. This requires a great deal of focus, but the
energy pulsation is wonderful. It feels clear here.
I then lay you across my lap to smooth out the emotional field. Of
all our treatments, you seem the most grounded in this one today. There is an
inner strength that is much closer to the surface today. Maybe the treatments
are helping you to tap Issy more fully. The field here is much more
integrated.
I know you have some tough medical decisions to make, but the
strength is there to do it. It would seem to me that the indecision is the most
draining energetically and you are learning to decrease that indecision. It
is you re-defining your needs more fully that is strengthening you. This is
awesome work and you are doing well in it.
Once again I was not drawn to any physical conditions in your chest or
breast. The field seemed to direct me to your inner strength and the
clearing that was required there to give you maximum stamina.
Session ended at 9:32.
I am thinking of you with loving, healing thoughts.
L.D. THERAPEUTIC TOUCH SESSION Nov 23/04
Hi ya Lynn, We are getting so good at this! Here is what I got from this morning's treatment: November 23, 2004 9am: There was no unusual imbalances in the front. Nice. In the back, there was just a little congestion across the shoulders which expanded and released outward easily. I then did a spinal massage and the vibrational patterns there were great. I did a little extra work in the tailbone area as that seemed a bit low on energy. Then I was told to do the horizontal 8 pattern across the abdomen. It is neat with distant work because I can actually see the path of the energy around the kidneys, etc. I am looking from above downward. 9:11 : I then did the emotional field. It was a bit low. Not quite as sparkly as usual, as if it had been through a lot. I asked Dora for help and that resulted in expansion. I put energy into the heart and flexed it to expand it. We then sat palms horizontally together and there was a beautiful vital energy coming from you. It had shifted well. I asked if Dora had any advice for you and she just said that she was proud of what you were doing. You can't get a better compliment than that now, can you?!! Session ended at 9:17. I think the sessions are getting shorter because there is so much less to do . . . maybe because we are doing them more often and maybe because things are more balanced in you! Congratulations. There is so much more confidence in your field Love and TT hugs,
LONG DISTANCE THERAPEUTIC TOUCH SESSION Nov 6/04
NOV 6, 2004
Here is what I got from today's treatment:
As I entered the field the throat chakra opened a bit wider than
usual. The field was quiet, really quite serene, and it was a joy to be there.
The pace was slower than standard. This pace was not due to lack of flow, but
due to the peace that was found there. This was a new development since our
last treatment. I think it shows a contentment that the things that you are
doing are what you need. It is working for you. There is a wonderful balance.
I wonder if you feel it too. On the second assessment the throat chakra had
stabilized.
In the back, there was congestion across the shoulder blades and as I
cleared it in wide horizontal swaths, your image expands in size.
This is very unique! The back is showing more congestion than the
front. I can also tell that when I am working on the spine, I am working to
drain congestion at a very deep level. As I do this, it expands vertically. I
remember how Dora always worked with the spine, always energizing that area to
awaken and clear the rest of the field.
It is so neat to do a bit of clearing and then write a bit and see how
your body has improved the field. Yours clears so well and there is a
generalized expansion. It has a lovely glow. It just needed a bit of
encouragement.
9:18 I then lay you across my lap to work with the emotional/psychic
areas. In this position there is much nurturing of the client. As I began to
do this my right index finger kept firing off irratically. I could not
figure this out. To be sure this was not an anomaly of mine, I changed hands. As
I began to smooth you with my left hand, I got a clear image to tap you quite
hard all along your entire back. I had never done this in the emotional
field before but I have learned to listen clearly and not question those images.
As I tapped, I was told to increase intensity. It was almost like beating
with the tips of my fingers and as I did so, my wrists snapped each time. The
more I did it, the more golden yellow the field became. I could feel the warm
Sedona sun. Also I was told that this was needed so that an emotional issue in
your past could break free. It must have been a bit stuck. I was not shown
what it was, but the warmth was wonderful. As I lay you back down, the field
glowed so beautifully! It was also 1 foot high, where before it was only a
normal 3-5 inches above the body.
Lynn, I was not given any homework for you. It just seemed that the
purpose of the treatment was to get you over a hump and now what you are
already doing will be even more effective.
On reassessment the field felt larger and more energized. Still
serene, but with more vitality. This was a really rewarding treatment for me to
do. I love to see all the magical changes.
Session ended at 9:33 am.
Give me 3 dates you want to do another at 9 am and I will choose the
best one for me. Can't do it on Monday the 8th.
Love You!!!
Here is what I got from today's treatment:
As I entered the field the throat chakra opened a bit wider than
usual. The field was quiet, really quite serene, and it was a joy to be there.
The pace was slower than standard. This pace was not due to lack of flow, but
due to the peace that was found there. This was a new development since our
last treatment. I think it shows a contentment that the things that you are
doing are what you need. It is working for you. There is a wonderful balance.
I wonder if you feel it too. On the second assessment the throat chakra had
stabilized.
In the back, there was congestion across the shoulder blades and as I
cleared it in wide horizontal swaths, your image expands in size.
This is very unique! The back is showing more congestion than the
front. I can also tell that when I am working on the spine, I am working to
drain congestion at a very deep level. As I do this, it expands vertically. I
remember how Dora always worked with the spine, always energizing that area to
awaken and clear the rest of the field.
It is so neat to do a bit of clearing and then write a bit and see how
your body has improved the field. Yours clears so well and there is a
generalized expansion. It has a lovely glow. It just needed a bit of
encouragement.
9:18 I then lay you across my lap to work with the emotional/psychic
areas. In this position there is much nurturing of the client. As I began to
do this my right index finger kept firing off irratically. I could not
figure this out. To be sure this was not an anomaly of mine, I changed hands. As
I began to smooth you with my left hand, I got a clear image to tap you quite
hard all along your entire back. I had never done this in the emotional
field before but I have learned to listen clearly and not question those images.
As I tapped, I was told to increase intensity. It was almost like beating
with the tips of my fingers and as I did so, my wrists snapped each time. The
more I did it, the more golden yellow the field became. I could feel the warm
Sedona sun. Also I was told that this was needed so that an emotional issue in
your past could break free. It must have been a bit stuck. I was not shown
what it was, but the warmth was wonderful. As I lay you back down, the field
glowed so beautifully! It was also 1 foot high, where before it was only a
normal 3-5 inches above the body.
Lynn, I was not given any homework for you. It just seemed that the
purpose of the treatment was to get you over a hump and now what you are
already doing will be even more effective.
On reassessment the field felt larger and more energized. Still
serene, but with more vitality. This was a really rewarding treatment for me to
do. I love to see all the magical changes.
Session ended at 9:33 am.
Give me 3 dates you want to do another at 9 am and I will choose the
best one for me. Can't do it on Monday the 8th.
Love You!!!
CONNECTIONS BRING REFLECTIONS
This is so exciting, and enlightning. ( still not so sure I really remembered what was so exciting and enlightning - LOL - >> probably that the moments change and now Elisse and Anne will not know what I am talking about because I deleted the previous messages - oh well, mushrooms do well in the dark LOL) And it really doesn't matter and was not super important or I would have remembered it.
Thank you for adding me in your prayers too. I am definitely open and humbly accept this most powerful life force sent my way. Prayers make a huge difference. I believe I feel the effects and definite miricles are in my life. In 1992 when I had an emergency Hysterectomy and Cervical Cancer diagnosis and was sent to VCC for radiation treatments {(aside here - you may notice that I write out in full things like radiation TREATMENTS (AHHHH - this will work even better - I was wondering why I was getting off track here and now I know - yippee - ) ( just can't keep up to my thoughts here LOL) >>> I find it important to keep the treatment and therapy connected to the medical words. So now I will be writing --- chemoTHERAPY TREATMENT SESSIONS. That emphasizes the words I connect with and balances out and puts things into the proper perpective. Keeps me in a more positive mode and helps me focus on the imagery and visualization of inviting in and the treatments working with my being ) }
As I was saying, before I interrupted myself - LOL , In 1992 a friend visiting me at the hospital came up with the idea of connecting at 10 p.m. She organized a prayer circle and invited everyone to connect thru prayer wherever they were, at 10 p.m. I also chose to believe that there really is no time / space , so if I missed the 10 pm. earthy manmade time - I would still connect whenever it was - by just stating in whatever moment it was that I was connecting to the 10 p.m. prayer circle.
Lately I was thinking of resurrecting this 10p.m. idea, but as I write this I realize that it is done just as things are now. I think we as humans tend to think we need structure, but I am beginning to question this as restricting the big picture. Tying us down. Disconnecting us from the higher power / God. I am sitting here in this moment wondering if this scary step I am contemplating here is a huge step into - faith. Trusting. Believing that God can and will do what we ask him for without our meddling help of structuring and controlling and manipulating. This is about asking and then taking that leap of faith and LETTING "IT" GO. Being open to Gods timing not demanding our own timing.
Hmmmm! The scary step - cancel , canel, love , love. No need to think of or label the step and making it harder - it is just a step, a choice. I am learning lots here. Again, thank you for this healing space and thank you God for adding this wonderful being to my life. I am grateful.
NOW, can I get to what I was originally going to write. NOT > another aside here LOL! Do you ever watch channel 71 APTN. I often check it out - just as I did here in this moment. It has some wonderful healing programs , very interesting.
NOW, --- LOL I love how the universe works, and love being connected to the moment and flowing with it instead of flipping into my wonderful restricted world of doing things MY way. Hee hee - so funny. Seeing myself with love and humor here. Feeling surrounded and loved and connected.
DId you miss me?? Hee hee! Elisse popped up on MSN messenger so I have been chatting with her. Turned out to be very enlightening and healing and very connected to this email moment as well. Another God Wink magical moment. I told her I would forward her this email too. She always changes her MSN name - today it reads " It worrys me how dumb you are" This turned out to be very positive and healing for me - bringing smiles and lightness to my journey.
I will copy some of it to here mainly to have record of it.
I am just replying to an email from Kim (of kim and cindy fame) - it is turning into a long and healing and powerful learning tool for me. I will forward it to you.
MSN excerpts:
"and just as I am a piece of the overall jigsaw puzzle, we all fit into the cosmic picture that may not be visible to us in the moment"
"it reminds us that we are truly interconnected and not against each other and that connectedness builds trust"
WELL, are you ever lucky Kim - LOL. As I was copying some of my MSN with Elisse stuff here, Anne P. popped up. I had a wonderful healing exchange with her and was planning to again copy and pasted some of it to this email. But the universe is taking care of us again, cause when Anne and I said goodbye - I clicked the boxed closed. Much to your relief I am guessing.
Now, what was it that I was originally going to write about I am wondering. LOL
So, as I am reading your email again, hoping for an answer.
Ahh ! The answer was in the original email from me.
I was going to say, how the moments change. The universe in charge takes care of us each and every moment. My Thur ChemoTHERAPY TREATMENT got changed to Friday. Worked out great in many ways - I have been having a runny nose, sneezing, mild sore throat thing going on and Thur was at its worse - felt much better Fri. Also the drive in was much easier and safer Fri with all the snow. So someone is taking great care of me.
Goodbye for now all. Love and hugs.
Thank you for adding me in your prayers too. I am definitely open and humbly accept this most powerful life force sent my way. Prayers make a huge difference. I believe I feel the effects and definite miricles are in my life. In 1992 when I had an emergency Hysterectomy and Cervical Cancer diagnosis and was sent to VCC for radiation treatments {(aside here - you may notice that I write out in full things like radiation TREATMENTS (AHHHH - this will work even better - I was wondering why I was getting off track here and now I know - yippee - ) ( just can't keep up to my thoughts here LOL) >>> I find it important to keep the treatment and therapy connected to the medical words. So now I will be writing --- chemoTHERAPY TREATMENT SESSIONS. That emphasizes the words I connect with and balances out and puts things into the proper perpective. Keeps me in a more positive mode and helps me focus on the imagery and visualization of inviting in and the treatments working with my being ) }
As I was saying, before I interrupted myself - LOL , In 1992 a friend visiting me at the hospital came up with the idea of connecting at 10 p.m. She organized a prayer circle and invited everyone to connect thru prayer wherever they were, at 10 p.m. I also chose to believe that there really is no time / space , so if I missed the 10 pm. earthy manmade time - I would still connect whenever it was - by just stating in whatever moment it was that I was connecting to the 10 p.m. prayer circle.
Lately I was thinking of resurrecting this 10p.m. idea, but as I write this I realize that it is done just as things are now. I think we as humans tend to think we need structure, but I am beginning to question this as restricting the big picture. Tying us down. Disconnecting us from the higher power / God. I am sitting here in this moment wondering if this scary step I am contemplating here is a huge step into - faith. Trusting. Believing that God can and will do what we ask him for without our meddling help of structuring and controlling and manipulating. This is about asking and then taking that leap of faith and LETTING "IT" GO. Being open to Gods timing not demanding our own timing.
Hmmmm! The scary step - cancel , canel, love , love. No need to think of or label the step and making it harder - it is just a step, a choice. I am learning lots here. Again, thank you for this healing space and thank you God for adding this wonderful being to my life. I am grateful.
NOW, can I get to what I was originally going to write. NOT > another aside here LOL! Do you ever watch channel 71 APTN. I often check it out - just as I did here in this moment. It has some wonderful healing programs , very interesting.
NOW, --- LOL I love how the universe works, and love being connected to the moment and flowing with it instead of flipping into my wonderful restricted world of doing things MY way. Hee hee - so funny. Seeing myself with love and humor here. Feeling surrounded and loved and connected.
DId you miss me?? Hee hee! Elisse popped up on MSN messenger so I have been chatting with her. Turned out to be very enlightening and healing and very connected to this email moment as well. Another God Wink magical moment. I told her I would forward her this email too. She always changes her MSN name - today it reads " It worrys me how dumb you are" This turned out to be very positive and healing for me - bringing smiles and lightness to my journey.
I will copy some of it to here mainly to have record of it.
I am just replying to an email from Kim (of kim and cindy fame) - it is turning into a long and healing and powerful learning tool for me. I will forward it to you.
MSN excerpts:
"and just as I am a piece of the overall jigsaw puzzle, we all fit into the cosmic picture that may not be visible to us in the moment"
"it reminds us that we are truly interconnected and not against each other and that connectedness builds trust"
WELL, are you ever lucky Kim - LOL. As I was copying some of my MSN with Elisse stuff here, Anne P. popped up. I had a wonderful healing exchange with her and was planning to again copy and pasted some of it to this email. But the universe is taking care of us again, cause when Anne and I said goodbye - I clicked the boxed closed. Much to your relief I am guessing.
Now, what was it that I was originally going to write about I am wondering. LOL
So, as I am reading your email again, hoping for an answer.
Ahh ! The answer was in the original email from me.
I was going to say, how the moments change. The universe in charge takes care of us each and every moment. My Thur ChemoTHERAPY TREATMENT got changed to Friday. Worked out great in many ways - I have been having a runny nose, sneezing, mild sore throat thing going on and Thur was at its worse - felt much better Fri. Also the drive in was much easier and safer Fri with all the snow. So someone is taking great care of me.
Goodbye for now all. Love and hugs.
A Letter To A Friend
There I go again, forgetting the simple answers / manufacturing the difficult - of course the blood tests can be done elsewhere - Daaaahhhh. Thanks for bringing me back to basics, reminding me to "keep it simple" >>> a message I seem to be needing to hear again and again. A simple thing that means a lot. You see I have already expanded it to other topics going on in my life. And it produces a 'big' AH ha >> of course / that's so simple / and I shake my head in wonderment at myself for being so tied up in the sillyness. And the load ( I didn't even realize was there ) that I was carrying on my shoulders is lifted. We are strange creatures, we humans.
So, you see >>>> SENDING POSITIVE VIBES YOUR WAY >>>> is focusing on me. IT IS HELPING ME. Ah ha!!! This just brought home to me an expanded meaning of the concept that we are <>. Connected. Mhhh!
My connection with you has been very healing and helpful for me. You have enriched my life in many unexpected ways. You are not a burden to me at all. I am delighted to have met you. And I have already had the AH HA moment, realizing that I have met a few people now that I would never had met if it weren't for this Cancer Journey. People that I KNOW I was supposed to meet.
And, others that have drifted in and then out of my life are magically now resurfacing. Popping back in, in the most magical ways. Last Wed at the monthly Steveston Comm Ctr's Wellness Clinic, ( nurses doing blood pressure clinic and others doing reflexology, TT, Reiki etc. ) 2 different people that I haven't seen for years ( one probably 7 or more ) Both said they had been thinking of me just the last week or 2. It was a wonderfully delicious morning of reconnecting.
BACK TO THE ' SAGA ' >>> LOL - Yes, I did make it to a wonderful dinner at Milestones with a wonderful visit with Anne and Mary. ( 2 more wonderful lady's you will love ) And the Tues night relaxation group was great.
Ahhh!!! Just realized - the magic of the universe started ( is always there actually, there is no start or finish ) Tues night when on the way home from the relaxation group >> we ran into another lady I haven't seen for awhile. Just magically. MMHhhhh!!!
Lots to reflect on here. Thanks for giving me this forum to reflect. See how helpful you are to me. Ah Ha ( another light bulb moment - LOL ) >>> IN ' SIMPLE ' WAYS. LOL How simple. ROFL.
Just keep re reading your words to get all your questions answered. The 'challenges' ( struggles ) are NOT an EVERY DAY thing for the FULL cycle between treatments. JUST A FEW DAYS HERE AND A DAY OR 2 THERE. For me, the pattern has been for a few days, a few days after the treatment and a couple days leading into the next treatment. (ie: - Chemotherapy on Thur., - finish the minimum anti nausea meds Sat morning >> challenging few days starting Sun / Mon. ( downward spiral - emotionally mostly ) for a few days. Then back to " normal ". Then of course the panic, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, angry etc. a couple days leading up to next treatment. A roller coaster ride.
(P.S. - Definition of ' normal ' = a setting on the washing machine.)
I think of you often. You will be fine. Just remember to <> <> <> ( Light bulb moment AhHa - I am saying all the things I need to hear myself. ) <> <> <> <> ( just doesn't look like our picture of it sometimes ) <>
Remember, we are not alone. We just feel that way sometimes because we forget to humble ourselves and pray / ask our higher power for help.
What do I say and how, or do I ?? That is the question. Lets just say, Ralph and I had a stupid blow up yesterday. I am noticing how I am retreating to ' old ' habits of closing off and doing ' it' myself, and going to places I don't like - thought wise, that I KNOW don't work for me. IE. NEEDING TO BE RIGHT STUFF. Needing to make different choices. Do, I want to be RIGHT or do I want to be healthy??? The answer should be obvious , right !!! Shaking my head. It should be an easy decision. Just a 'choice' right !!!!
<>
AHHH HAAA - Simple again -
As I sit here struggling, wondering how to let go / what is it I need to do !!! / learn !!! Getting more and more tied up in the weight of it all. <<<<> <> <> ( Ahh - whoops >>> more to reflect on - how have I been treating Ralph )
Yes, I do realize it has to do with the stress we are dealing with toooooooo!!! Just got that conscious reminder, another ah ha thought.
Well, you certainly got much more than you bargained for in this reply to your SIMPLE (LOL) message.
By the way, I got your beautiful card in the mail. It is gorgeous. You are so talented. Thank you so much. I look forward to more. Hint, hint.
Well, I will leave you with one more definition.
FINE = Any 'f' word you want to use, insecure, neurotic, and enjoying it.
Taking care. Thanks again for this healing platform, you have been a big help in this moment. Lynn from Richmond.
" Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly" Much love to you, precious angel.
So, you see >>>> SENDING POSITIVE VIBES YOUR WAY >>>> is focusing on me. IT IS HELPING ME. Ah ha!!! This just brought home to me an expanded meaning of the concept that we are <>. Connected. Mhhh!
My connection with you has been very healing and helpful for me. You have enriched my life in many unexpected ways. You are not a burden to me at all. I am delighted to have met you. And I have already had the AH HA moment, realizing that I have met a few people now that I would never had met if it weren't for this Cancer Journey. People that I KNOW I was supposed to meet.
And, others that have drifted in and then out of my life are magically now resurfacing. Popping back in, in the most magical ways. Last Wed at the monthly Steveston Comm Ctr's Wellness Clinic, ( nurses doing blood pressure clinic and others doing reflexology, TT, Reiki etc. ) 2 different people that I haven't seen for years ( one probably 7 or more ) Both said they had been thinking of me just the last week or 2. It was a wonderfully delicious morning of reconnecting.
BACK TO THE ' SAGA ' >>> LOL - Yes, I did make it to a wonderful dinner at Milestones with a wonderful visit with Anne and Mary. ( 2 more wonderful lady's you will love ) And the Tues night relaxation group was great.
Ahhh!!! Just realized - the magic of the universe started ( is always there actually, there is no start or finish ) Tues night when on the way home from the relaxation group >> we ran into another lady I haven't seen for awhile. Just magically. MMHhhhh!!!
Lots to reflect on here. Thanks for giving me this forum to reflect. See how helpful you are to me. Ah Ha ( another light bulb moment - LOL ) >>> IN ' SIMPLE ' WAYS. LOL How simple. ROFL.
Just keep re reading your words to get all your questions answered. The 'challenges' ( struggles ) are NOT an EVERY DAY thing for the FULL cycle between treatments. JUST A FEW DAYS HERE AND A DAY OR 2 THERE. For me, the pattern has been for a few days, a few days after the treatment and a couple days leading into the next treatment. (ie: - Chemotherapy on Thur., - finish the minimum anti nausea meds Sat morning >> challenging few days starting Sun / Mon. ( downward spiral - emotionally mostly ) for a few days. Then back to " normal ". Then of course the panic, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, angry etc. a couple days leading up to next treatment. A roller coaster ride.
(P.S. - Definition of ' normal ' = a setting on the washing machine.)
I think of you often. You will be fine. Just remember to <> <> <> ( Light bulb moment AhHa - I am saying all the things I need to hear myself. ) <> <> <> <> ( just doesn't look like our picture of it sometimes ) <>
Remember, we are not alone. We just feel that way sometimes because we forget to humble ourselves and pray / ask our higher power for help.
What do I say and how, or do I ?? That is the question. Lets just say, Ralph and I had a stupid blow up yesterday. I am noticing how I am retreating to ' old ' habits of closing off and doing ' it' myself, and going to places I don't like - thought wise, that I KNOW don't work for me. IE. NEEDING TO BE RIGHT STUFF. Needing to make different choices. Do, I want to be RIGHT or do I want to be healthy??? The answer should be obvious , right !!! Shaking my head. It should be an easy decision. Just a 'choice' right !!!!
<>
AHHH HAAA - Simple again -
As I sit here struggling, wondering how to let go / what is it I need to do !!! / learn !!! Getting more and more tied up in the weight of it all. <<<<> <> <> ( Ahh - whoops >>> more to reflect on - how have I been treating Ralph )
Yes, I do realize it has to do with the stress we are dealing with toooooooo!!! Just got that conscious reminder, another ah ha thought.
Well, you certainly got much more than you bargained for in this reply to your SIMPLE (LOL) message.
By the way, I got your beautiful card in the mail. It is gorgeous. You are so talented. Thank you so much. I look forward to more. Hint, hint.
Well, I will leave you with one more definition.
FINE = Any 'f' word you want to use, insecure, neurotic, and enjoying it.
Taking care. Thanks again for this healing platform, you have been a big help in this moment. Lynn from Richmond.
" Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly" Much love to you, precious angel.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
A Matter of Choice
I am writing this for my own healing. I hope you too will find my words healing for you.
You see, if I am angry and upset, I have given my power away. So, selfishly I do forgiveness work - to take my power back. Funny thing is, I have no face or name for those I am angry with. They are not even aware I am angry with them. How could they be? They have never met me, never even seen me, and have never heard of me.
They are the drunk driver, the speeder, the tailgater, the reckless driver, the criminal, the drive-by shooter. Strangers, yet our lives are connected in so many ways. And to you I say - the choices you make do affect more people than you realize.
I'd liked to introduce you to a few of the people that your choice has affected.
There's Jim; the man scheduled to have his knee replacement surgery done. It was cancelled at 6:00 that morning because the doctors were using the operating rooms trying to save victims of a late night shooting? Did you think about the pain that Jim needlessly endured for the previous week because he couldn't use any pain medications leading up to the surgery? Did you think about Jim's children who had arranged to take time off work to fly here to help their mom and dad? Now they won't be around to help when Jim does get his time in surgery.
There's Janice and her husband Brian, whose car was hit by a drunk driver. Actually there's only Brian - my cousin Janice was killed. How many people were waiting for surgery and tests that got postponed due to that accident?There are thousands of people going through the torment of waiting for surgery. Torment either because they are waiting to find out if "IT" is cancer or because they are waiting to get the cancerous tumor removed. Knowing that the sooner the tumor is removed the better their chances will be and having to wait weeks to get into hospital for surgery. Do you know what it feels like knowing you have a cancerous tumor growing inside you?
The waiting to find out the diagnosis is sometimes harder to deal with than the diagnosis itself. The fear of the unknown consumes and paralyzes. First there is waiting for doctors appointments, then for tests, then for lab results, then for surgery, then for those lab results.
We wouldn't have to wait so long if there were no shooting victims, or reckless accident victims.
So, drivers - back off from the car ahead. Slow down. Don't drink and drive, don't do drugs and drive. Stop and take a rest when you are tired. Don't speed, don't run red lights, don't tailgate. Don't cut in and out trying to get ahead of everyone. Next time you do, check the rearview mirror at the next red light, chances are you will see 'everyone' sitting at the same red light with you. You didn't really get any further ahead, did you?
That brings me to the shootings. Accidents are just that - accidents. Sometimes they just happen no matter how careful we are. But the shootings are planned. YOU can control them. YOU can decide NOT to shoot. You have the power to change lives, more lives than just the victims.
Let's play "what if" for a moment! What if it was one of your family or friends waiting for an operation? What choice would you be making then?
And I haven't even touched on all the other reasons why people are waiting for surgery, like heart surgery for one.
And how about all the doctors, nurses, and other staff and their families. Did you think of them? Did you think of the staff and customers of the surrounding businesses and the trauma they and their families have to go through?
And if you think your actions don't affect you, maybe you should think again. Everyone is affected by the higher cost of medicine. Have you ever stopped to figure out how much money your choice has cost us? You, and the rest of us. Maybe you could think about that the next time you buy something - noticing the P.S.T. and G.S.T. The taxes we pay for the cost of police, for the cost of the medical system. Then there is the after care cost of the psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, office staff, and much more. Maybe you could think about it next time you complain about paying income tax or for your car insurance.
Then there is the cost of the legal system and keeping and feeding you in jail.
To everyone that reads this. Everyone is affected by your actions. Please think about the rest of us the next time you go to drive while drunk or drugged up, or drive recklessly, speed, run red lights, tailgate, or plan to shoot someone. You may never meet us directly but our lives are also in your hands. Be it waiting for surgery, or waiting for lab tests or paying higher taxes. No crime, no shootings, fewer accidents would lift a huge burden off the medical system. It would free up doctor's time, operating room time, lab time, nurse's time and much more. Wait lists could be non existent. People wouldn't suffer for so long, like Ralph who has been waiting in pain for 7 months for knee replacement surgery with no date booked yet.
We can change things. It's a matter of choice.
- You can choose not to drive if you have been drinking or using drugs.
- You can choose not to tailgate.
- You can choose not to speed.
- You can choose not to run a red light.
- You can choose not to shoot someone.
It's a choice. A series of choices throughout this life journey we are all on. Just like all the other choices we make for ourselves in life. There are better choices to handle the situations. There are healthier choices for all. Each and every choice each and every moment may directly affect you in the years to come.
So, if it is just a matter of choice - then I too have a choice. I can tightly hold onto you in frustration and anger or I can forgive you, bless you and release you. So for my own health and healing -
- I choose to forgive you.
- I choose to bless you.
- I choose to release you to your higher good.
In re reading these words I realize that I haven’t even mentioned the shootings of our children in schools by children. I hope these words reach out and touch the hearts of our precious young ones. If this piece speaks to just one person and saves just one life, then my prayers will have been answered. Thank you for the choices you make. God bless you.
You see, if I am angry and upset, I have given my power away. So, selfishly I do forgiveness work - to take my power back. Funny thing is, I have no face or name for those I am angry with. They are not even aware I am angry with them. How could they be? They have never met me, never even seen me, and have never heard of me.
They are the drunk driver, the speeder, the tailgater, the reckless driver, the criminal, the drive-by shooter. Strangers, yet our lives are connected in so many ways. And to you I say - the choices you make do affect more people than you realize.
I'd liked to introduce you to a few of the people that your choice has affected.
There's Jim; the man scheduled to have his knee replacement surgery done. It was cancelled at 6:00 that morning because the doctors were using the operating rooms trying to save victims of a late night shooting? Did you think about the pain that Jim needlessly endured for the previous week because he couldn't use any pain medications leading up to the surgery? Did you think about Jim's children who had arranged to take time off work to fly here to help their mom and dad? Now they won't be around to help when Jim does get his time in surgery.
There's Janice and her husband Brian, whose car was hit by a drunk driver. Actually there's only Brian - my cousin Janice was killed. How many people were waiting for surgery and tests that got postponed due to that accident?There are thousands of people going through the torment of waiting for surgery. Torment either because they are waiting to find out if "IT" is cancer or because they are waiting to get the cancerous tumor removed. Knowing that the sooner the tumor is removed the better their chances will be and having to wait weeks to get into hospital for surgery. Do you know what it feels like knowing you have a cancerous tumor growing inside you?
The waiting to find out the diagnosis is sometimes harder to deal with than the diagnosis itself. The fear of the unknown consumes and paralyzes. First there is waiting for doctors appointments, then for tests, then for lab results, then for surgery, then for those lab results.
We wouldn't have to wait so long if there were no shooting victims, or reckless accident victims.
So, drivers - back off from the car ahead. Slow down. Don't drink and drive, don't do drugs and drive. Stop and take a rest when you are tired. Don't speed, don't run red lights, don't tailgate. Don't cut in and out trying to get ahead of everyone. Next time you do, check the rearview mirror at the next red light, chances are you will see 'everyone' sitting at the same red light with you. You didn't really get any further ahead, did you?
That brings me to the shootings. Accidents are just that - accidents. Sometimes they just happen no matter how careful we are. But the shootings are planned. YOU can control them. YOU can decide NOT to shoot. You have the power to change lives, more lives than just the victims.
Let's play "what if" for a moment! What if it was one of your family or friends waiting for an operation? What choice would you be making then?
And I haven't even touched on all the other reasons why people are waiting for surgery, like heart surgery for one.
And how about all the doctors, nurses, and other staff and their families. Did you think of them? Did you think of the staff and customers of the surrounding businesses and the trauma they and their families have to go through?
And if you think your actions don't affect you, maybe you should think again. Everyone is affected by the higher cost of medicine. Have you ever stopped to figure out how much money your choice has cost us? You, and the rest of us. Maybe you could think about that the next time you buy something - noticing the P.S.T. and G.S.T. The taxes we pay for the cost of police, for the cost of the medical system. Then there is the after care cost of the psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, office staff, and much more. Maybe you could think about it next time you complain about paying income tax or for your car insurance.
Then there is the cost of the legal system and keeping and feeding you in jail.
To everyone that reads this. Everyone is affected by your actions. Please think about the rest of us the next time you go to drive while drunk or drugged up, or drive recklessly, speed, run red lights, tailgate, or plan to shoot someone. You may never meet us directly but our lives are also in your hands. Be it waiting for surgery, or waiting for lab tests or paying higher taxes. No crime, no shootings, fewer accidents would lift a huge burden off the medical system. It would free up doctor's time, operating room time, lab time, nurse's time and much more. Wait lists could be non existent. People wouldn't suffer for so long, like Ralph who has been waiting in pain for 7 months for knee replacement surgery with no date booked yet.
We can change things. It's a matter of choice.
- You can choose not to drive if you have been drinking or using drugs.
- You can choose not to tailgate.
- You can choose not to speed.
- You can choose not to run a red light.
- You can choose not to shoot someone.
It's a choice. A series of choices throughout this life journey we are all on. Just like all the other choices we make for ourselves in life. There are better choices to handle the situations. There are healthier choices for all. Each and every choice each and every moment may directly affect you in the years to come.
So, if it is just a matter of choice - then I too have a choice. I can tightly hold onto you in frustration and anger or I can forgive you, bless you and release you. So for my own health and healing -
- I choose to forgive you.
- I choose to bless you.
- I choose to release you to your higher good.
In re reading these words I realize that I haven’t even mentioned the shootings of our children in schools by children. I hope these words reach out and touch the hearts of our precious young ones. If this piece speaks to just one person and saves just one life, then my prayers will have been answered. Thank you for the choices you make. God bless you.
It's A Crime
A place to be heard. A place to share. A place to connect. A place to just be.
For whatever reason, you decided to shoot another human being. Maybe you think they deserved it. Maybe you think you have a good reason. Maybe you just didn't think.
Maybe you didn't think about the others your actions would affect. Oh, maybe you thought about the immediate families affected - yours and the victims. But did you think about Jim, the man scheduled for his knee replacement surgery that got cancelled at 6:00 A.M. that morning because the doctors were using the operating rooms trying to save the victims? Did you think about the pain that Jim needlessly endured because he couldn't use pain medication for a week before surgery? Did you think about Jim's children who had arranged to take time off work and fly here to help their mom and dad? Now they won't be around to help when Jim does get his surgery. Did you think of the other families affected because their surgeries were cancelled? Did you think about what they had to go through?
What if it was one of your family or friends waiting for an operation? And how about the doctors, nurses, and other staff and their families. Did you think of them? Did you think of the staff and customers of the surrounding businesses and the trauma they and their families had to go through? Lost wages because they couldn't go to work and the ripple down effect of that.
And if you think your actions don't affect you, maybe you should think again. Everyone is affected by the higher cost of medicine. Maybe you could think about that the next time you buy something - noticing the P.S.T. and G.S.T. The taxes we pay for the cost of police, for the cost of the medical system. Then there is the after care cost of the psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, office staff, and much more. Maybe you could think about it next time you complain about paying income tax.
Then there is the cost of the legal system and keeping and feeding you in jail when you get caught.
You have changed the life of more than just the person you shot.
Let's play "what if" for a moment. What if one of these innocent bystanders is so traumatized that they can't work and they lose their job and go on welfare? Now they are controlling your life indirectly because you are supporting them through your taxes.
So you see, everyone is affected by your actions - even you, even if you are never caught. If this gets even just one of you out there to change your action - if even one life is spared, my prayer has been answered. Thank you for thinking.
For whatever reason, you decided to shoot another human being. Maybe you think they deserved it. Maybe you think you have a good reason. Maybe you just didn't think.
Maybe you didn't think about the others your actions would affect. Oh, maybe you thought about the immediate families affected - yours and the victims. But did you think about Jim, the man scheduled for his knee replacement surgery that got cancelled at 6:00 A.M. that morning because the doctors were using the operating rooms trying to save the victims? Did you think about the pain that Jim needlessly endured because he couldn't use pain medication for a week before surgery? Did you think about Jim's children who had arranged to take time off work and fly here to help their mom and dad? Now they won't be around to help when Jim does get his surgery. Did you think of the other families affected because their surgeries were cancelled? Did you think about what they had to go through?
What if it was one of your family or friends waiting for an operation? And how about the doctors, nurses, and other staff and their families. Did you think of them? Did you think of the staff and customers of the surrounding businesses and the trauma they and their families had to go through? Lost wages because they couldn't go to work and the ripple down effect of that.
And if you think your actions don't affect you, maybe you should think again. Everyone is affected by the higher cost of medicine. Maybe you could think about that the next time you buy something - noticing the P.S.T. and G.S.T. The taxes we pay for the cost of police, for the cost of the medical system. Then there is the after care cost of the psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, office staff, and much more. Maybe you could think about it next time you complain about paying income tax.
Then there is the cost of the legal system and keeping and feeding you in jail when you get caught.
You have changed the life of more than just the person you shot.
Let's play "what if" for a moment. What if one of these innocent bystanders is so traumatized that they can't work and they lose their job and go on welfare? Now they are controlling your life indirectly because you are supporting them through your taxes.
So you see, everyone is affected by your actions - even you, even if you are never caught. If this gets even just one of you out there to change your action - if even one life is spared, my prayer has been answered. Thank you for thinking.
Flower To Flower
A place to be heard. A place to share. A place to connect. A place to just be.
Flower To Flower
My cervical cancer story is about my personal growth being accelerated and the tools that became available to me on my life’s journey.
Life was great. I had finally left an unhealthy codependent relationship. That “drama” lead me to a transition house, that lead me to the Unity Church, where I met my life partner. Miracles were happening in my life. I was in the right place at the right time - in the flow. A beautiful flower, growing and blossoming.
In September 1992, at age 42, the life threatening “drama” of an emergency hysterectomy and cervical cancer diagnosis lead me to the Vancouver Cancer Clinic (B.C., Canada) for radiation treatments. All the while feeling that I was in good hands and in the right place at the right time.
During my first appointment at the cancer clinic, I asked my doctor about her views and the clinic’s views on alternative therapies. She handed me a pamphlet about the Relaxation Program run by the clinic.
The Relaxation group meets 3 times a week for an experiential meditation. First, we sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and ask for an image that we would like included in the meditation. Then we go to the mats with bolsters for under our knees, pillows, blankets and even little “eye pillows” to put over our eyes. The group's facilitators (clinic staff) talk us through a 45 minute meditation using the images offered from the circle with music playing and “footstrokers” lightly stroking legs, feet, shoulders and brows. The deluxe version is to have live music played by the clinic’s music therapist. Afterwards, many of us network together in the cafeteria. This is where I got a lot of my questions answered, sometimes when I didn’t even know there was a question to ask. There is also a theory - talk about - class on meditation and coping techniques and tools. I found my dream had come true - a medical institution incorporating complementary therapies with medicine, working together to treat the “whole” me.
The Relaxation group continues to be my “lifesaver." It gave me a reason to travel to the clinic every day for a 10 minute radiation treatment. I remember one Thursday, about 1/2 way through my 30 treatments, when I woke up feeling scared, frustrated, angry, sad, alone .... I didn’t want any more radiation. If it hadn’t been for the Relaxation group that day - I’m not sure what I would have done.
The Relaxation group is full of life, love, caring, understanding, acceptance and more. A place where I can be me, where I can feel and express my emotions, laugh and cry. A place where people listen and hear what I am saying. A very powerful nurturing, peaceful, healing place to be.
I take advantage of the many “tools” the clinic offers patients, families and friends. These include support groups, music and art therapy counseling, social worker counselors, volunteer driver's service, and Therapeutic Touch workshops and sessions.
All the “tools” helped me again when my radiation treatments finished. While going for radiation, it was okay to go to the relaxation group because I was there anyway. Now the only reason for me to go to the relaxation group was to do something nice for me. Being a caregiver type, that was hard to do. With all the personal growth work I had done, I was aware of that sabotaging part of me and would find ways to sabotage the sabotaging. Like that first Thursday morning, after treatment had finished, that I talked myself out of going to the relaxation group. “What if someone else needs the chair?” “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t deserve it.” “I’m too tired.” When I did get up, I called the volunteer drivers and booked a ride for the Monday morning relaxation group. I had just about talked myself into staying home again on Monday when I remembered the volunteer driver was picking me up. I also called on friends to meet me at the clinic - so then I had to go. I also realized that although I could go back to work physically, mentally and emotionally I didn’t want to and that was okay. I ended up taking a year for me and gradually fell back into my job. I am grateful to my boss for being patient and giving me the time and space that I needed.
Two years ago, I again took time off work for another life “drama” involving the death of my brother. After this, with my husband about to retire, I decided to “let go” of my job also. Again I have the relaxation group to thank for helping me though this period of losses.
I now spend 2 to 3 days a week “footstroking” at the relaxation groups and visiting other patients and their families - talking, listening and doing and teaching Therapeutic Touch - helping others on their journey.
For the last few months, I’ve been having the same feelings that I experienced when I was getting close to the end of the radiation treatments, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, abandonment, fear, etc. I was aware that this time it had to do with the 5 year anniversary approaching. These milestones are not always a happy celebrating time for everyone. We are all different, with different issues to deal with. At my last 6 month check up, when my doctor said that my next appointment would be my last, I was pleasantly surprised and pleased when my reaction was one of happiness and celebration. The Relaxation group came through for me again - giving me balance, support, clarity and the courage to deal with my feelings.
My life has been touched by many “teachers” along the way. I continue to learn and relearn many of life’s lessons:
- changing “shoulds” to “coulds." A choice
- no guilt attached.- the definition of “normal” is a setting on the washing machine.
- to be a “human being” not a “human doing."
- get out of the way. Stop trying, start trusting.
- trusting my intuition. Listening to my “knowing."
- smiling at myself. Being patient with myself.
- to sabotage the sabotaging.
- I’m not stupid, dumb, etc. I just did a stupid, dumb, etc. thing.
- angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
- waking up to awareness.
- living in the moment
Tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is the past. Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the “present.”
From one flower to another. May you blossom and grow to your full potential and become the beautiful you, you were created to be. I trust that my story touches and helps you on your journey.
Flower To Flower
My cervical cancer story is about my personal growth being accelerated and the tools that became available to me on my life’s journey.
Life was great. I had finally left an unhealthy codependent relationship. That “drama” lead me to a transition house, that lead me to the Unity Church, where I met my life partner. Miracles were happening in my life. I was in the right place at the right time - in the flow. A beautiful flower, growing and blossoming.
In September 1992, at age 42, the life threatening “drama” of an emergency hysterectomy and cervical cancer diagnosis lead me to the Vancouver Cancer Clinic (B.C., Canada) for radiation treatments. All the while feeling that I was in good hands and in the right place at the right time.
During my first appointment at the cancer clinic, I asked my doctor about her views and the clinic’s views on alternative therapies. She handed me a pamphlet about the Relaxation Program run by the clinic.
The Relaxation group meets 3 times a week for an experiential meditation. First, we sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and ask for an image that we would like included in the meditation. Then we go to the mats with bolsters for under our knees, pillows, blankets and even little “eye pillows” to put over our eyes. The group's facilitators (clinic staff) talk us through a 45 minute meditation using the images offered from the circle with music playing and “footstrokers” lightly stroking legs, feet, shoulders and brows. The deluxe version is to have live music played by the clinic’s music therapist. Afterwards, many of us network together in the cafeteria. This is where I got a lot of my questions answered, sometimes when I didn’t even know there was a question to ask. There is also a theory - talk about - class on meditation and coping techniques and tools. I found my dream had come true - a medical institution incorporating complementary therapies with medicine, working together to treat the “whole” me.
The Relaxation group continues to be my “lifesaver." It gave me a reason to travel to the clinic every day for a 10 minute radiation treatment. I remember one Thursday, about 1/2 way through my 30 treatments, when I woke up feeling scared, frustrated, angry, sad, alone .... I didn’t want any more radiation. If it hadn’t been for the Relaxation group that day - I’m not sure what I would have done.
The Relaxation group is full of life, love, caring, understanding, acceptance and more. A place where I can be me, where I can feel and express my emotions, laugh and cry. A place where people listen and hear what I am saying. A very powerful nurturing, peaceful, healing place to be.
I take advantage of the many “tools” the clinic offers patients, families and friends. These include support groups, music and art therapy counseling, social worker counselors, volunteer driver's service, and Therapeutic Touch workshops and sessions.
All the “tools” helped me again when my radiation treatments finished. While going for radiation, it was okay to go to the relaxation group because I was there anyway. Now the only reason for me to go to the relaxation group was to do something nice for me. Being a caregiver type, that was hard to do. With all the personal growth work I had done, I was aware of that sabotaging part of me and would find ways to sabotage the sabotaging. Like that first Thursday morning, after treatment had finished, that I talked myself out of going to the relaxation group. “What if someone else needs the chair?” “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t deserve it.” “I’m too tired.” When I did get up, I called the volunteer drivers and booked a ride for the Monday morning relaxation group. I had just about talked myself into staying home again on Monday when I remembered the volunteer driver was picking me up. I also called on friends to meet me at the clinic - so then I had to go. I also realized that although I could go back to work physically, mentally and emotionally I didn’t want to and that was okay. I ended up taking a year for me and gradually fell back into my job. I am grateful to my boss for being patient and giving me the time and space that I needed.
Two years ago, I again took time off work for another life “drama” involving the death of my brother. After this, with my husband about to retire, I decided to “let go” of my job also. Again I have the relaxation group to thank for helping me though this period of losses.
I now spend 2 to 3 days a week “footstroking” at the relaxation groups and visiting other patients and their families - talking, listening and doing and teaching Therapeutic Touch - helping others on their journey.
For the last few months, I’ve been having the same feelings that I experienced when I was getting close to the end of the radiation treatments, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, abandonment, fear, etc. I was aware that this time it had to do with the 5 year anniversary approaching. These milestones are not always a happy celebrating time for everyone. We are all different, with different issues to deal with. At my last 6 month check up, when my doctor said that my next appointment would be my last, I was pleasantly surprised and pleased when my reaction was one of happiness and celebration. The Relaxation group came through for me again - giving me balance, support, clarity and the courage to deal with my feelings.
My life has been touched by many “teachers” along the way. I continue to learn and relearn many of life’s lessons:
- changing “shoulds” to “coulds." A choice
- no guilt attached.- the definition of “normal” is a setting on the washing machine.
- to be a “human being” not a “human doing."
- get out of the way. Stop trying, start trusting.
- trusting my intuition. Listening to my “knowing."
- smiling at myself. Being patient with myself.
- to sabotage the sabotaging.
- I’m not stupid, dumb, etc. I just did a stupid, dumb, etc. thing.
- angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
- waking up to awareness.
- living in the moment
Tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is the past. Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the “present.”
From one flower to another. May you blossom and grow to your full potential and become the beautiful you, you were created to be. I trust that my story touches and helps you on your journey.
How Ralph and I Came To Be
I had been in a 13 year common-law relationship with Alan. We had been on a driving trip to Wenatchee, Wa. On the drive home to Langley via Osoyoos and Hwy 3, I ended up getting out of the car when we stopped for gas at Kerameas and refused to get back in. Alan finally drove off. I walked back to the downtown area and got the Greyhound bus information. I was ready to go whichever way the first bus went, which turned out to be Langley the next morning. So I went and got a room at the local hotel.
As I came out of the Langley Greyhound building there was our car sitting there in the parking lot. Alan was nowhere to be seen. I jumped in the car and went to the basement suite we were living at. My suitcase was unpacked, there were notes for me about phone calls, it was like nothing was wrong. I quickly stuffed some things in garbage bags and loaded up the car and took off, before Alan could get back.
I spent that first day driving around. I visited a friend / workmate to talk. I needed to get some perspective. After I left there I got a motel room. The next day I got on a pay phone at Semiahmoo Mall in White Rock looking for someone to give me information on my legal rights etc. Each person I told my story to, told me to call another number. At the last number I talked to, I was told to call back in an hour as she had to talk to a co worker.
I went and sat at the beach. There was this magnificent free spirit dog running first one way and then back again. Eventually the dogs owner appeared. I had the most inspirational conversation with this wonderful gentlemen. He told me wonderful stories about his dog. They had given it to his daughter and her family when his wife and him had moved into an apartment. The dog ran away and showed up at their place a number of times. So, they finally gave in and accepted that the dog was theirs. It was a magical wonderous moment. Time well spent.
Back to the pay phone to make what turned out to be a very important call. The person I had talked to said, YES, there is a bed available. I had no idea that I had been calling ‘safe houses’. I thought I was asking for someone to talk to, to get some perspective and find out what my legal rights were. Then the resource worker asked, “Do you want it?“ Somehow, someway I managed to say that most difficult word – YES ! She asked me if I had a car or if I would be taking a taxi. She told me that she would tell me the address, but I was never to tell anyone else. It is for security so that husbands can not find their wives and kids. So, my plan was to go there for 1 night and get the information that I wanted. The resource worker showed me around and introduced me to some of the others in the group home. She explained the rules – ie. No giving out the phone number, and no phoning the husband, and no men allowed to visit. There were 10 people all together – mom’s and children.
I kept saying things like – “what if someone phones in the middle of the night and really needs the bed?” Her answer was – “You deserve it just as much as anyone else.” I would say, “Yeah but….”
Then the phone rang and she had to take the call. So I got up and looked at a chart on the wall that she had told me about. There it was in black and white. My life – each pie wedge on the Unhealthy Co-dependant chart ( even ones that involved children ) was what my life with Alan was. And each pie wedge on the Healthy Inter dependant chart was what I wanted my life to be.
I sat down and surrendered. I ended up staying in the ‘safe house’ for a month. Even having a roof over my head and food to eat, there was a time half way thru that it was tempting to just go back to Alan.
There was another list on the wall of the kitchen that had a number of various resources listed. I kept meaning to call some of them. Then the resource worker on call arrived with another woman in the middle of the night. The next day was a Sunday and the resource worker did not start work until noon. The new lady called her husband from the phone in the house and was screaming at him. I ended up in the kitchen eating all my comfort foods – grilled cheese sandwich, Rice Krispie’s, Corn Flakes. I realized I had been shaken, maybe I wasn’t doing as good as I thought. She turned out to be a wonderful gift to me. I was motivated. The next day I called all the places I hadn’t gotten around to.
There was one called “Gemini”. It was a self assertive, self awareness 8 week course. It started the next day ! ! ! It was a fantastic course. Turned out that “Gemini" was about polishing the “Gem In I”, not my zodiac sign.
Another number was Relationships Anonymous. I called the phone number and talked to this lady that told me the group had folded 2 years ago. She told me about a Co dependency weekly group at the Unity Church.
I kept missing the contact person at Unity and I could not leave my number. The morning of Mothers Day, I was in the shower and wondering what I wanted to do. I did not want to be around the house. The thought – go to the Unity Church and get the information first hand. So off I went. I was a few minutes late and was directed to a seat in the back. As I sat there I wondered how the minister knew. He was talking directly to me. It was a spiritual church, not a religious church. It was just perfect, what I had been looking for all my life. Then the thought – okay where’s the catch, this is too good to be true. I shook my head and said to myself – it doesn’t matter. It felt like I had come home.
Over the weeks, one of the other ladies and her daughter came with me to Unity. One day, the minister’s talk was about making a list of things we want to do and now go out and do them. After, as we were standing up to go downstairs for coffee and to get her daughter, a little voice in my head said – “you’ve seen that guy a few times now, you should make a point of saying hi.” (he was sitting 3 rows ahead)
Wendy and I were sitting downstairs with our coffee’s and THE guy came and stood right beside us. So I jumped up and said “ A little voice upstairs told me to say hi to you.” We all talked for a few minutes and then Ralph left. A few minutes later Wendy and her daughter and I left. And there outside was Ralph – a fat grey haired old man – getting on a motorcycle. So, I went over and said, “Now I know why I was supposed to say Hi to you – a motorcycle ride would be on my list of things to do.” Ralph said, “ ah ah I’m married.” I said, “What’s that got to do with a motorcycle ride?” The next Sunday, I noticed that he had an extra helmet but he did not ask me to go for a ride. Over the next few weeks we ended up telling each other our stories, sitting together and talking for hours. Ralph started coming to the Co dependency meetings I went to on Wednesdays. We valued our friendship.
Then one Sunday as we hugged good bye, he kissed my cheek. The next Wed meeting night most of the group were going over to the White Spot restaurant. Ralph and I decided to join them. Well, everyone got seated together but us. We said that was okay as we needed to talk. So there we were, sitting alone. Acknowledging that we were friends and not wanting to jeopardize that. We agreed we did not want to change things.
Then I met Joe at a pub. He also had a motorcycle. I went out with him a couple of times. Then one time in the middle of the night he phoned – he had been in a car accident and was at home and needed help. He had called his friends but no one would help. He was drunk. So, I drove over and stayed on his couch all night – making sure he was okay.
Ralph and I decided to go to the Unity Church’s annual picnic in Aug at Stanley Park on his motorcycle and then stay for the fireworks. I finally got my motorcycle ride. Turns out, Ralph’s idea of a motorcycle ride was a day or half day trip somewhere. I meant a ride around the block.At the picnic, we ended up hand in hand and kissing in the bushes. There was no stopping the universe. We were not in control. We were meant to be. Sparks flew at the fireworks.
So, here I was. The universe had presented me with 2 choices. Black and white. A healthy relationship or an unhealthy codependent relationship. I tried to explain this to Joe. He didn’t understand. Didn’t see it. I chose a healthy relationship. I chose me.
Either choice would have been right. I would have learned lessons either way.
And that’s how Ralph and I came to be.
As I came out of the Langley Greyhound building there was our car sitting there in the parking lot. Alan was nowhere to be seen. I jumped in the car and went to the basement suite we were living at. My suitcase was unpacked, there were notes for me about phone calls, it was like nothing was wrong. I quickly stuffed some things in garbage bags and loaded up the car and took off, before Alan could get back.
I spent that first day driving around. I visited a friend / workmate to talk. I needed to get some perspective. After I left there I got a motel room. The next day I got on a pay phone at Semiahmoo Mall in White Rock looking for someone to give me information on my legal rights etc. Each person I told my story to, told me to call another number. At the last number I talked to, I was told to call back in an hour as she had to talk to a co worker.
I went and sat at the beach. There was this magnificent free spirit dog running first one way and then back again. Eventually the dogs owner appeared. I had the most inspirational conversation with this wonderful gentlemen. He told me wonderful stories about his dog. They had given it to his daughter and her family when his wife and him had moved into an apartment. The dog ran away and showed up at their place a number of times. So, they finally gave in and accepted that the dog was theirs. It was a magical wonderous moment. Time well spent.
Back to the pay phone to make what turned out to be a very important call. The person I had talked to said, YES, there is a bed available. I had no idea that I had been calling ‘safe houses’. I thought I was asking for someone to talk to, to get some perspective and find out what my legal rights were. Then the resource worker asked, “Do you want it?“ Somehow, someway I managed to say that most difficult word – YES ! She asked me if I had a car or if I would be taking a taxi. She told me that she would tell me the address, but I was never to tell anyone else. It is for security so that husbands can not find their wives and kids. So, my plan was to go there for 1 night and get the information that I wanted. The resource worker showed me around and introduced me to some of the others in the group home. She explained the rules – ie. No giving out the phone number, and no phoning the husband, and no men allowed to visit. There were 10 people all together – mom’s and children.
I kept saying things like – “what if someone phones in the middle of the night and really needs the bed?” Her answer was – “You deserve it just as much as anyone else.” I would say, “Yeah but….”
Then the phone rang and she had to take the call. So I got up and looked at a chart on the wall that she had told me about. There it was in black and white. My life – each pie wedge on the Unhealthy Co-dependant chart ( even ones that involved children ) was what my life with Alan was. And each pie wedge on the Healthy Inter dependant chart was what I wanted my life to be.
I sat down and surrendered. I ended up staying in the ‘safe house’ for a month. Even having a roof over my head and food to eat, there was a time half way thru that it was tempting to just go back to Alan.
There was another list on the wall of the kitchen that had a number of various resources listed. I kept meaning to call some of them. Then the resource worker on call arrived with another woman in the middle of the night. The next day was a Sunday and the resource worker did not start work until noon. The new lady called her husband from the phone in the house and was screaming at him. I ended up in the kitchen eating all my comfort foods – grilled cheese sandwich, Rice Krispie’s, Corn Flakes. I realized I had been shaken, maybe I wasn’t doing as good as I thought. She turned out to be a wonderful gift to me. I was motivated. The next day I called all the places I hadn’t gotten around to.
There was one called “Gemini”. It was a self assertive, self awareness 8 week course. It started the next day ! ! ! It was a fantastic course. Turned out that “Gemini" was about polishing the “Gem In I”, not my zodiac sign.
Another number was Relationships Anonymous. I called the phone number and talked to this lady that told me the group had folded 2 years ago. She told me about a Co dependency weekly group at the Unity Church.
I kept missing the contact person at Unity and I could not leave my number. The morning of Mothers Day, I was in the shower and wondering what I wanted to do. I did not want to be around the house. The thought – go to the Unity Church and get the information first hand. So off I went. I was a few minutes late and was directed to a seat in the back. As I sat there I wondered how the minister knew. He was talking directly to me. It was a spiritual church, not a religious church. It was just perfect, what I had been looking for all my life. Then the thought – okay where’s the catch, this is too good to be true. I shook my head and said to myself – it doesn’t matter. It felt like I had come home.
Over the weeks, one of the other ladies and her daughter came with me to Unity. One day, the minister’s talk was about making a list of things we want to do and now go out and do them. After, as we were standing up to go downstairs for coffee and to get her daughter, a little voice in my head said – “you’ve seen that guy a few times now, you should make a point of saying hi.” (he was sitting 3 rows ahead)
Wendy and I were sitting downstairs with our coffee’s and THE guy came and stood right beside us. So I jumped up and said “ A little voice upstairs told me to say hi to you.” We all talked for a few minutes and then Ralph left. A few minutes later Wendy and her daughter and I left. And there outside was Ralph – a fat grey haired old man – getting on a motorcycle. So, I went over and said, “Now I know why I was supposed to say Hi to you – a motorcycle ride would be on my list of things to do.” Ralph said, “ ah ah I’m married.” I said, “What’s that got to do with a motorcycle ride?” The next Sunday, I noticed that he had an extra helmet but he did not ask me to go for a ride. Over the next few weeks we ended up telling each other our stories, sitting together and talking for hours. Ralph started coming to the Co dependency meetings I went to on Wednesdays. We valued our friendship.
Then one Sunday as we hugged good bye, he kissed my cheek. The next Wed meeting night most of the group were going over to the White Spot restaurant. Ralph and I decided to join them. Well, everyone got seated together but us. We said that was okay as we needed to talk. So there we were, sitting alone. Acknowledging that we were friends and not wanting to jeopardize that. We agreed we did not want to change things.
Then I met Joe at a pub. He also had a motorcycle. I went out with him a couple of times. Then one time in the middle of the night he phoned – he had been in a car accident and was at home and needed help. He had called his friends but no one would help. He was drunk. So, I drove over and stayed on his couch all night – making sure he was okay.
Ralph and I decided to go to the Unity Church’s annual picnic in Aug at Stanley Park on his motorcycle and then stay for the fireworks. I finally got my motorcycle ride. Turns out, Ralph’s idea of a motorcycle ride was a day or half day trip somewhere. I meant a ride around the block.At the picnic, we ended up hand in hand and kissing in the bushes. There was no stopping the universe. We were not in control. We were meant to be. Sparks flew at the fireworks.
So, here I was. The universe had presented me with 2 choices. Black and white. A healthy relationship or an unhealthy codependent relationship. I tried to explain this to Joe. He didn’t understand. Didn’t see it. I chose a healthy relationship. I chose me.
Either choice would have been right. I would have learned lessons either way.
And that’s how Ralph and I came to be.
Monday, February 14, 2005
On Overwhelm
I am just going to babble on here knowing full well that you probably know all this.
First thing is to wake up and become aware of the stressors sooner, before they overwhelm us. Noticing the physical reactions we are having. Taking a moment to check into the physical body and notice the clenched teeth, the ball in our stomache, the tight neck and shoulders etc. Taking stock of our emotional reactions - short temper, irritabillity, tears, etc.
Catching ourselves earlier and making choices to shift and re balance.
Finding ways to nurture and nourish ourselves. Exploring and experimenting / trying things on / finding what works best for us.
Keeping it simple. Back to basics
It is usually something unrelated and insignificant that ' breaks the camels back' / that takes us over the edge.
I am sure there are more thoughts in my brain. Nothing else coming to surface at the moment though - lucky you LOL.
First thing is to wake up and become aware of the stressors sooner, before they overwhelm us. Noticing the physical reactions we are having. Taking a moment to check into the physical body and notice the clenched teeth, the ball in our stomache, the tight neck and shoulders etc. Taking stock of our emotional reactions - short temper, irritabillity, tears, etc.
Catching ourselves earlier and making choices to shift and re balance.
Finding ways to nurture and nourish ourselves. Exploring and experimenting / trying things on / finding what works best for us.
Keeping it simple. Back to basics
It is usually something unrelated and insignificant that ' breaks the camels back' / that takes us over the edge.
I am sure there are more thoughts in my brain. Nothing else coming to surface at the moment though - lucky you LOL.
Haircut Story
As we were driving to get my hair cut, I noticed I was getting into that place of controlling and maniputating. Telling the universe I want the guy that I had last time I was there - I liked him. Then - an ah ha !!! I am wanting to surrender, to trust the 'bigger picture', to walk in faith. Mmmmh !!! I could practice doing that right now. So, I let it all go. I realized that I might have gotten into resentment if he wasn't there, another area I am releasing and letting go of. Mmmmmh !!! I realized that I barely noticed that the guy (that was so important a few minutes earlier) wasn't there. And it was okay. We got a couple of hairdresser books to look for a hair cut we would like. Usually in the past this hasn't been easy - sometimes never finding just what I want / making do. Well, we immediately saw one we both loved. Simple and easy and perfect in every way. Then the man ahead of us asked to wait for the other hairdresser. It was our turn. The angel hairdresser sent from heaven was mine. She understood, and said, and did, the most amazing things. I loved the end result. I felt (feel) beautiful and excited about my new look. We are having so much fun with it. Isn't it amazing how wonderful the universe is, if we would just choose to get out of the way!!!
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