hI THERE
I am listening to a pod cast from the Unity of Vancouver website. Trying anything to connect to that flow I so want to be flowing through me. Connected, grounded. Securely and lovingly. Wanting answers to questions not yet formulated. Thoughts grinding to a halt. A wanting yearning churning within me. Struggling to unlease itself and get out. But get out of where. What binds me. Searching to uncover what? Needing what? Where do I start? Where does it end? Ah! I am trying to control, instead of being and trusting in Gods time, being in Gods hands. Ah! Pod cast just reminded me that it is not that I need God, it is that God needs us. A different perspective. A view from above. A different understanding. A stepping into the flow.
So now I am here, where do I want to go? What decisions do I get to make? Do I or do I not want to:
- continue with the weekly appointments
- get back to helping to facilitate the relaxation group again
- continue on with the Wellness Clinic's
- start something new
- workshops
- story writing
- relaxation
- healing
- play
- sharing
- EFT
- TT etc.
- journalling
- art therapy
-
- travel
- camping
- TT campsites
- explore BC (Laird Hot Springs)
- Lower mainland
- cruising
- 25 year pass
- Volunteer
- church
Is blogging a type of volunteering. Sharing what I know and think with the hope of helping others. "needs us" is the word that jumps out of the pod cast that I am listening to... I so need to be needed.
I wonder what my destiny is, my lifes purpose. What am I supposed to be doing? How am I supposed to be doing it? I need guidance. I want guidance... I crave guidance... Slip me into my paths purpose. What have I done wrong, when I have a sickness, broken bones, a wrong doing... of some sort. When I am not perfect. When I do something wrong. I love this process. Feeling stupid and dumb, and not worthwhile. i love the imperfection of perfection. what a relief. An unloading of whats to come. words flowing without editing , strange words, utterly no meaning to discern. no ah ha's yet profound. Loving and generous. Moving on. Moving on to what? Needing to move on. What am I waiting for. Mom to die, so I don't get embarrassed trying to explain myself. Doors that need to be closed - the church lesson of today.
Doors to close
- struggle with mom relationship
- forgiveness to myself for the whole list of people plus
/_\ journal idea - there is no accident that we encounter the people that we do. What gift has each person given to my life / what gift have they received from me?
Heard someone suggest recently, that when you don't journal for awhile - to leave a space to show that. So hear I am, leaving a space in this blog because it has been a few hours - guess it is just me getting stuck. Not knowing what to do. And there is so much to do.
I have to have my homework goals completed for Tuesday and I am not getting around to it yet. There is housework and laundry and emails to respond to and decisions to make. Ah, I had better answer M's email. Maybe that will make me feel better.
Well, I got 1 email answered... and somehow lost all the tasks bars and am ticked off at myself and my lack of computer knowledge... Which F button did I click on by mistake, how do I undo - now grrrr this site is saying auto save failed and so this may all get lost too!!! What a groaner. I was hoping to feel better and I get more challenges instead. Lots of laughs - just shaking my head and smiling here, what more can I do. I am trusting that this may have not meant to be and the universe is taking good care of me. Blog blog blog. so I will post and see what happens. Take care and good night all.
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