I don’t remember my dads’ parents working, not like my moms parents. It was always exciting to go visit moms side of the family. Memories of helping in the restaurant by slicing dill pickles for grandma and then visiting the small hotel they owned in Carsland, Alberta. How exciting to go into the bar after hours of course. There were meals shared with the road construction crew that paid for room and board. I still remember the cribbage game with one of these men. He counted the points so fast it scared me. The hands and game were over in an instant it seemed. We were always looking forward to these visits, knowing that we would be leaving with another silver dollar from granddad. Mom’s 2 brothers were married with lots of kids. Good time memories of visits playing with our cousins and lots of food.
Then there were visits to dads side of the family which could be labeled ‘obligation visits’. There was games and good food. Once granddad Keeling tried giving us a silver dollar when we were leaving, it felt like he was trying to buy us. It wasn’t the same.
Uncle Gordon, my dad’s youngest brother now in his 40’s, still lived at home. I considered him as the black sheep of the family. He traveled to far off countries on his vacations from his job at the post office. One year he came back from Australia married. He got a transfer and Aunt Margaret and he moved to Victoria, BC. I guess she didn’t want to live with my grandparents.
There was also dad’s other 2 brothers, Bill and John. Uncle John and Aunt Irene had 2 children, Wayne and Janice. Uncle Bill and Auntie Dot spent most of their married life in Timmons, Ontario where he worked as a mailman. They had no children.
This is the 1st time that I have noticed the parallels. 4 boys, 2 married with 2 children each and the other 2 married with no children and both worked for the post office.
When the family in Calgary, found out that Uncle Gordon was in the Victoria Hospice, they asked if I could go visit being I lived in Vancouver. It was at these visits that I got to know another side of Uncle Gordon. The hospice ward in the hospital is beautiful. They had rooms with pull out beds where I slept overnight and bagels, muffins, coffee and tea in the mornings.
It didn’t surprise me when I introduced myself to the hospice volunteer as Gordon’s niece from Vancouver, visiting on behalf of his brothers and family in Calgary, that he had told her that he didn’t have any family. I met some of his visitors and learned that Uncle Gordon was a well known regular at the mall.
I headed back to Vancouver the day he died. There was a retired minister, an old family friend that was taking care of all the arrangements on my uncle’s request. Ralph and I would be back for the funeral to represent the family.
We were on the ferry to Victoria the day before the service planning to camp out, leaving nothing to chance. I had been checking the Victoria newspaper obits and there it was, only the service was that very day. What a useless devastating feeling, being stuck on the ferry with no way to get there on time.
Later that day, I talked to a couple of people to find out that they had both phoned us and had left messages on the answering machine about the change of day. We had checked our messages and not heard any from them. When we got home, we checked again, and sure enough, the messages were there. Clearly Uncle Gordon didn’t want us there.
When I started this story, I thought it was going to be about Uncle Bill and Auntie Dot. They must have come to Calgary for holidays over the years. I don’t remember much about them. I went to Timmons once to visit them. They took me to friends with them for card night and taught me to play Euchre.
They moved to Calgary when he retired to be closer to family. My visits to Calgary would always include a visit to see them in their apartment. Ralph and I enjoyed these visits and looked forward to them. My mom seemed to see it as an obligation.
Uncle Bill was living with cancer and had a paid nurse visiting daily to help him. Auntie Dot drifted away diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I witnessed their love connections wrapped in patience and compassion. The time came when they had to make the move to the Bethany Hospital where they lived on different wards. Uncle Bill would take us to the Alzheimer’s ward to visit Auntie Dot. She still seemed to be connected to him somehow trusting him and always wanting him to take her with him when he left. I can’t imagine how hard the end of these many visits must have been for both of them.
I strive to love even half as much as this wonderful example of the purest love I have ever witnessed.
By Lynn Keeling
February 15, 2009
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