STORY SHARING
The Jig Saw Puzzle
(A Reflection of Life Choices)
July 21/06
By Lynn Keeling
Fitting the pieces together. Some seemed to fit, for awhile that is. Then gaps with nothing left to fill them. Time to re juggle, shift, rearrange. Take out what used to fit, making room for something new. Change, changing, willing to grow, to flow with the current (the stream). Noticing what is in my way, willing to make new paths. Finding new ways around what blocks me in the now moment. Willing to let go of past successes. Want to move on, to change, to grow – expanding my horizons. To explore the valleys as well as the tops of the highest mountains. To love. To really truly love myself.
I move a few pieces of the jig saw puzzle around and they fit better in the empty spaces. Pieces that didn’t fit before, now slip easily into place, in place. Everything is making sense. Easy. Encouraging. Shifting slightly, bringing a newer perspective. A joy. The picture is being ‘peaced’ together, piece by piece, one at a time. Slowly, lovingly, peacefully, with patience. Slow going for awhile. Nothing fitting. Frustration mounting.
Time to step back, take a break. Go for a walk. Leave the problem. Go away. Leave it alone. Step aside. Get out of my head. Coffee break. Lunch break. Sleep on it.
Come back to the puzzle refreshed and renewed. New ideas, new eyes. Fresh. Ready to re engage. To create. To explore and discover. What is it that doesn’t fit anymore? Willing to re shuffle, to ruffle things up a bit. Stir the pot and see what comes up.
Funny how the same piece fits in 2 or 3 different places. Where does it belong? How will I know when I have got it right? When will I know?
The picture is coming together. Nearing the end. Fitting together as it should, so it seems. Down to 8 empty spots now and 7 puzzle pieces. Obvious that one piece is missing, lost – still to be found. Mmmh! None of the last seven pieces fit any which way no matter how hard I try to jam them in. Could it be, is it possible – are there pieces in the wrong place? Pieces that were comfortable where they were at the time, fitting well with the other pieces that fit in around them at the time. And now we could just stay as we are – ignoring the change. Not wanting to rock the boat or make waves or stir up the waters. Not wanting to explore the unexplored depths of ourselves. Willing to stay as we are. Knowing there are extra pieces that don’t fit – holes yearning to be filled. Our soul calling for completion. Ripe and ready to move on – move forward. Get on with business. Break out of our shell. Expand, break out of the box that binds us. Create what we are here to create. To hear, to see, to do, to be. To find our way. To experiment, try things on for size. Remembering it may fit for awhile until we out grow it.
It is the becoming attached to the ‘its’ of life. A lesson in knowing when to let go. And learning how to let go – detach. Includes the grieving process, being patient with myself. Being willing to change. And sometimes being willing to be willing to change. Recognizing, being aware. Giving myself space and time to adjust to the readjusting. Finding, asking for and accepting supportive help from others, workshops, retreats, books, tapes, jigsaw puzzles - open to seeing, hearing, noticing the guidance that comes my way – coincidences, nature, insights, ah ha’s. Again willing to notice, it is time to step back, take a break, re group, re arrange, readjust, sleep on it.
And when the time is right (Gods timing, not mine) the answer appears. Move this piece to here and that piece shifts over to this place. This piece fits in this space and one of the extra pieces fits comfortably into place in the new vacancy.
So the pieces all fit. Juggled around. One piece left and it doesn’t belong.
The surrounding pieces all seem to meld together. Jelling well. In the right place / space. Something still out of place. What is it? How will I find it? When will I know?
Why is this so hard? Why can’t I clearly see it? Why am I making this so difficult? Why do I care? Why can’t I just leave well enough alone? Who cares anyway? Why not just leave well enough alone? And the years go by seemingly in place. And then along comes another reminder. A shift – a workshop, retreat, book, tape, TV show, movie, a comment, - whatever the catalyst is. And we have to decide. And we choose to take another look. To rediscover ourselves. To reinvent, refresh, update, move on, upgrade, grow, grow up, (why do I resist writing grow up?) Puzzled, I open my eyes. Look closer. Refreshed and renewed. Willing to see, to explore and discover. To create and recreate myself. To expand, break out of my box, my shell, my cage. Face my fears. Fears of the unknown, the unexplored.
Pieces in place have worked so well together. It is a cozy known feeling of comfort. It is comfortable. Why upset the apple cart? Why rock the cradle of life? Leave things alone. Don’t tamper with things. Don’t fix what’s not broken you say!
So here I am on the fence post. Wobbling. I could choose either way. Same old, same old or something new, bigger, better. Something more in tune with the full bigger picture – closer to completion. More on purpose, on life’s path. Besides, I can always change my mind. That’s the great thing about choices. I can try something on for size and if it works, great – if it doesn’t, I can make another choice / change my mind. And if it fits for awhile great. There may come a time where I outgrow it, noticing the other pieces aren’t fitting with ‘it’. Time to readjust, shift, make choice, change, reshuffle, re gain, re grow, back up, regroup, shuffling up, refitting.
So I decide to look again at the puzzle of life with open eyes, fresh eyes. Childlike new eyes wide open, willing to explore and discover. And there it is, plain as day. A piece out of place.
So I wiggle it out of its comfy space and try it in the empty hole. It plops right in with ease. Like it was meant to be. No resistance. Like it belonged. And now for the extra piece – does it fit in the new empty place. Plop. Success. As neat as can be. All the surrounding pieces cheer with delight. Feeling at home, aligned, fitting in with each other. Re united at last. The picture nearly complete. One piece still missing. Lost, still needing to be found.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Thursday, December 17, 2015
WHATS ON YOUR MIRROR
Lots of memories. A dear one from the BCCA relaxation group used to shower us with stickers. She still lives on through the memories I have when I look in the mirror that is still sprinkled with her stickers.
I am drawn to ' owls ' and through the years have acquired a few trinkets, including a plastic suction cup toothbrush holder that makes its home on the mirror.
A loved one in my arms photo.
Various printed universal gifts of truth in our lives...
And now yesterday's gems from the Unity Candle Lighting service...
But best of all is the reflection of me reflecting back the beauty of Gods love.
Sage
P.S. Pictures to be added.
Monday, December 14, 2015
A PIECE OF ME
A PIECE OF ME
What can I do! Such hurt and turmoil! Devastating news from loved ones that their son had died in a hiking accident... My world was spinning. I could only imagine what the family was feeling. The memorial was the coming weekend.
My cherished friendship bracelet that I had made and loved - I could slip it into the casket and leave a piece of me with him.
The evening of the visitation I had left the bracelet back at the hotel. Oh well, I trusted that it was not meant to be. To this day, as I wear this bracelet I feel connected to all of you, family and friends. It has been a part of my healing. Many blessings.
P.S. On December 20, I will be wearing my bracelet and connecting in love and peace.
What can I do! Such hurt and turmoil! Devastating news from loved ones that their son had died in a hiking accident... My world was spinning. I could only imagine what the family was feeling. The memorial was the coming weekend.
My cherished friendship bracelet that I had made and loved - I could slip it into the casket and leave a piece of me with him.
The evening of the visitation I had left the bracelet back at the hotel. Oh well, I trusted that it was not meant to be. To this day, as I wear this bracelet I feel connected to all of you, family and friends. It has been a part of my healing. Many blessings.
P.S. On December 20, I will be wearing my bracelet and connecting in love and peace.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
DECISIONS SHIFT
Sometimes it is about being real and honest with myself about how I am feeling. Sometimes it is about finding a way to make a shift. Sometimes it is about acceptance of what is. Sometimes it is about exploring and experimenting. Sometimes it is about finding a distraction. Sometimes it is about deciding to make a change. Sometimes it is about noticing an organic shift before waking up to noticing, accepting, deciding, exploring, distracting or being real and honest.
In no particular order, like the time:
- putting the brakes on a mental downward spiral by deciding to transform myself into a living birthday card for R by getting people to sign my back.
- clicking on a TV or radio program or hearing a song that shifts my mood
- on the drive back to the women's shelter, each song on the radio had me crying cleansing tears. Decided to listen to one more song at my destination and it had nothing to do with anything. The magical journey was over.
- process of finding the woman's shelter had me calling back in an hour. Ended up sitting on the White Rock beach watching a beautiful dog run back and forth, back and forth, and into the waves, then back and forth up and down the beach no obvious owner in sight. Eventually the dogs 'owner?' arrived. He told me that his wife and him had moved and had given the dog to their son and his family. Numerous times the dog ran away and showed up at his new home. They gave up and the dog now lived with them.
- at the woman's shelter, the case worker showing me around had to take a phone call. I checked out a couple of pages taped to the wall she had pointed out on codependent unhealthy and interdependent healthy relationships. What I was leaving, what I wanted. It was a moment of surrendering and I stayed there for a month.
- one night a new lady arrived at the women's shelter. She didn't know the rules and phoned her husband and started screaming at him. This propelled me to check the resource paperwork and phone a relationship workshop called Gemini. Turned out that it started the next day and was about polishing the "Gem In I". I also began going to 'codependency' 12 step meetings.
During this supportive safe haven time of personal growth, the universe tested me - a decision moment when it seemed easier to just go back to A.
And there was the dreaded phone call to tell my mom that shocked my world... She caught me at work and when I hung up, I asked my co-workers " who was that lady? I've never met her before." It was like she had been doing her own personal growth work.
- I moved back from Toronto where I was taking courses from a group called PSI (People Searching Inside) Turned out friends here had been on a similar parallel journey.
- discovering and revisiting " ho'oponopono " Many times I find tools that work for me and then drift away and forget about them, then the universe brings me back to them. Like ho'oponopono... Sequence unfolding >>> Coast to Coast A.M. program talking about near death experience with man saying the 'life review' for him wasn't his, but was all about everyone he had hurt. He felt ALL the pain he had ever caused others all at once, whether intentional or not. Awhile back, I had the thought, wondering if it would work to do a life review before death. Another step in forgiveness work. It has been an amazing journey of noticing buried memories floating into consciousness and choosing to release them. >>> side tracked at YouTube one day when universe reminded me of 'Ho'oponopono'.
Even as I write this, more memories surface. Paused here to release and let go even though I had already forgotten the memories that had surfaced. Then chose to finish listening to YouTube video of Abraham Hicks "Is Your Path Unclear" that universe presented to me while I thought I was researching for Craig Hamilton meditation (which led me to watch Craig Hamilton-Parker, a psychic). Feeling blessed. Still haven't listened to a C.H meditation. I'll go do that now...
God wink / designer moment / speed bump
- meeting someone that propels me into researching YouTube or TED talk or wherever the magic of the Internet takes me, one thing leading to another.
- sharing with others helps me.
- praying miracles like my name tag lanyard being looped around the scarf knotted around my neck.
- being in the right place at the right time... missed a bus, which had me walking down the street at my destination, as Emiko was walking towards me. I was meeting R at Legends, so
E joined me and we all had a wonderful visit.
- another time at Legends, we saw R's son Ted who was there with a group of friends > some R hadn't seen since they were kids.
- stretching time when late gets us there on time.
- stretching time going to mask making weekly class. We left late and missed the bus. Got there early before anyone else. Made a half hour trip in seemingly 10 minutes.
- leaving A. in Kelso. Car at bus station when I got to Langley. No A. in sight so I jumped in car and went to house to grab my belongings and left. Apparently he had gone across the street to the bakery.
- meeting R at Unity and universe giving me a choice - another motorcycle guy I met. Healthy interdependent vs unhealthy codependent relationship.
- asking the parking angels to find us easy parking spaces.
- one day I had to drive around the block 3 times before I found a place to park. My reaction was, "wonder what that was about?" When I went into the medical building, there getting off the elevator was the doctor I wanted to run into to give him paperwork he wanted. Ahh Haa!! I was too early was I !!!
- relaxation group experience working with a lady in distress and just as work was winding down another lady rushes in apologizing for being 20 minutes late. She had 'somehow' driven right past the building. To us, her timing was perfect. The healing session would have been different if she had been there.
- the bright colourful dress that fell off the hanger for me. I loved it and wore it for years.
- writing stories helps me
- yesterday YouTube led me to a Jean Houston webinar that I listen to today. Most of what is written above came to mind as Jean was talking about the "3 Keys to Unlocking Your Quantum Powers". My memories came to light.
- reframing 666 >>> A. made me go back to the mechanic to change an engine repair because the part had 666 in the number. Today I love 666 and each time it shows up on computer games I celebrate my own personal growth forgiveness work and it shows up a higher % of times than random chance.
In no particular order, like the time:
- putting the brakes on a mental downward spiral by deciding to transform myself into a living birthday card for R by getting people to sign my back.
- clicking on a TV or radio program or hearing a song that shifts my mood
- on the drive back to the women's shelter, each song on the radio had me crying cleansing tears. Decided to listen to one more song at my destination and it had nothing to do with anything. The magical journey was over.
- process of finding the woman's shelter had me calling back in an hour. Ended up sitting on the White Rock beach watching a beautiful dog run back and forth, back and forth, and into the waves, then back and forth up and down the beach no obvious owner in sight. Eventually the dogs 'owner?' arrived. He told me that his wife and him had moved and had given the dog to their son and his family. Numerous times the dog ran away and showed up at his new home. They gave up and the dog now lived with them.
- at the woman's shelter, the case worker showing me around had to take a phone call. I checked out a couple of pages taped to the wall she had pointed out on codependent unhealthy and interdependent healthy relationships. What I was leaving, what I wanted. It was a moment of surrendering and I stayed there for a month.
- one night a new lady arrived at the women's shelter. She didn't know the rules and phoned her husband and started screaming at him. This propelled me to check the resource paperwork and phone a relationship workshop called Gemini. Turned out that it started the next day and was about polishing the "Gem In I". I also began going to 'codependency' 12 step meetings.
During this supportive safe haven time of personal growth, the universe tested me - a decision moment when it seemed easier to just go back to A.
And there was the dreaded phone call to tell my mom that shocked my world... She caught me at work and when I hung up, I asked my co-workers " who was that lady? I've never met her before." It was like she had been doing her own personal growth work.
- I moved back from Toronto where I was taking courses from a group called PSI (People Searching Inside) Turned out friends here had been on a similar parallel journey.
- discovering and revisiting " ho'oponopono " Many times I find tools that work for me and then drift away and forget about them, then the universe brings me back to them. Like ho'oponopono... Sequence unfolding >>> Coast to Coast A.M. program talking about near death experience with man saying the 'life review' for him wasn't his, but was all about everyone he had hurt. He felt ALL the pain he had ever caused others all at once, whether intentional or not. Awhile back, I had the thought, wondering if it would work to do a life review before death. Another step in forgiveness work. It has been an amazing journey of noticing buried memories floating into consciousness and choosing to release them. >>> side tracked at YouTube one day when universe reminded me of 'Ho'oponopono'.
Even as I write this, more memories surface. Paused here to release and let go even though I had already forgotten the memories that had surfaced. Then chose to finish listening to YouTube video of Abraham Hicks "Is Your Path Unclear" that universe presented to me while I thought I was researching for Craig Hamilton meditation (which led me to watch Craig Hamilton-Parker, a psychic). Feeling blessed. Still haven't listened to a C.H meditation. I'll go do that now...
God wink / designer moment / speed bump
- meeting someone that propels me into researching YouTube or TED talk or wherever the magic of the Internet takes me, one thing leading to another.
- sharing with others helps me.
- praying miracles like my name tag lanyard being looped around the scarf knotted around my neck.
- being in the right place at the right time... missed a bus, which had me walking down the street at my destination, as Emiko was walking towards me. I was meeting R at Legends, so
E joined me and we all had a wonderful visit.
- another time at Legends, we saw R's son Ted who was there with a group of friends > some R hadn't seen since they were kids.
- stretching time when late gets us there on time.
- stretching time going to mask making weekly class. We left late and missed the bus. Got there early before anyone else. Made a half hour trip in seemingly 10 minutes.
- leaving A. in Kelso. Car at bus station when I got to Langley. No A. in sight so I jumped in car and went to house to grab my belongings and left. Apparently he had gone across the street to the bakery.
- meeting R at Unity and universe giving me a choice - another motorcycle guy I met. Healthy interdependent vs unhealthy codependent relationship.
- asking the parking angels to find us easy parking spaces.
- one day I had to drive around the block 3 times before I found a place to park. My reaction was, "wonder what that was about?" When I went into the medical building, there getting off the elevator was the doctor I wanted to run into to give him paperwork he wanted. Ahh Haa!! I was too early was I !!!
- relaxation group experience working with a lady in distress and just as work was winding down another lady rushes in apologizing for being 20 minutes late. She had 'somehow' driven right past the building. To us, her timing was perfect. The healing session would have been different if she had been there.
- the bright colourful dress that fell off the hanger for me. I loved it and wore it for years.
- writing stories helps me
- yesterday YouTube led me to a Jean Houston webinar that I listen to today. Most of what is written above came to mind as Jean was talking about the "3 Keys to Unlocking Your Quantum Powers". My memories came to light.
- reframing 666 >>> A. made me go back to the mechanic to change an engine repair because the part had 666 in the number. Today I love 666 and each time it shows up on computer games I celebrate my own personal growth forgiveness work and it shows up a higher % of times than random chance.
Tuesday, December 08, 2015
NOTHING IS WRITTEN IN STONE
Remembering my own journey dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis in 2004 and what I learned. I was referred to a surgeon who wanted to operate first. He referred me to the B.C. Cancer Agency when I asked about getting a second opinion. They wanted to start with chemotherapy treatments first, then radiation and then surgery.
During a phone call, I was explaining the game plan to my friend Mary. I vividly remember her life changing words - well not her exact words, but what I got out of her one or two sweet sentences to me that day.
- she reminded me that that was all in the future, not in the present. She brought me back to the moment. Reminding me that those were all decisions to be made in the coming weeks
and months, not in that moment. Reminding me not to create a path carved in stone but to remain open to other choices. Reminding me not to be making it an affirmation. To wait and make each decision when it was time to do so. I immediately decided to reframe my story, focusing on results I really wanted.
Final version of that chapter of my story involved doing Traditional Chinese Medicine treatments while having chemotherapy treatments. Deciding not to do radiation and no surgery. That's the journey that felt right in the moment.
Smiling here. One 'side effect' of that journey involves an ongoing saga with Mary. She chose to loan me $500.00 dollars to help with the costs of the TCM treatments. Repayment plan is $20 on my birthday every year. She stashes the money away each year and says we are both going to spend it when the loan is repaid. Some years, my efforts to give her $25 have failed. It's one of her favorite stories to tell others. She claims it keeps us both going.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)