Good Friday, March 31, 2013 Unity of Vancouver All Day Meditation
10:00 a.m. "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do"
Using my beaded handmade bracelet as a meditation tool - like a rosary I thought...
My fingers started their journey on a larger size bead. Immediately my thoughts were linked to life's journey.
The larger bead representing a 'big problem'. Eventually my fingers slide down the round bead onto a small round shape. Just as in life, the bigness of the problem eventually seems to get smaller. Sometimes seemingly more manageable.
As the journey continued, my fingers explored a flat disc shape. Ah, eventually things will flatten out, the journey will be smooth going for awhile at least, I thought.
And that's where I got stuck - on the bracelet and in life. My fingers continued to caress the flat disc that at first represented smooth sailing, trouble free breaks, moments of respite in life.
Then I noticed there were 2 sides and just maybe this bead represented the 2 sides to every story. Just maybe I had moved to a wider broader perspective of the situation and could now understand the other persons point of view.
The image turned onto its edge and I realized that it could tilt either way, that I could make a choice.
As the imagery continued to shift, I wondered if the top side was light and the bottom side was darkness - all the 'stuff' I had buried deep within. The emotions welled up. I embraced the fear. Thankful for this opportunity, this sacred journey.
11:00 a.m. " Today shall you be with me in paradise"
Strong fragrances around me and I wonder what frankincense and myrrh smell like. I imagine my connection with Jesus. My human self wonders if it is Judith sitting behind me as she uses essential oils. I chose to return to my connection with Jesus and spend this hour affirming 'Gods love flows through me'. I am transformed as I realize that Gods love / divine love, is always within - I am an expression of divine love. I don't have to do anything to earn it. I don't have to bring 'it' to me from somewhere out there. I am part of 'it'. I am love expressing as me - however that may look.
As I sat with the questions - 'how to? / what do I have to do? / Release? / Let go of? / Dredge up? I remember - ah yes, the bracelet - I had forgotten to continue my journey with the bracelet.
I fondled the flat bead, exploring it further and then the bracelet said, 'turn me around, go back and retrace your steps'
My fingers slipped back onto the smaller bead. It felt good, it felt like a gift. It too had 2 sides to its story. I was bathed in joy and happy feelings as I continued on to the larger bead. That too had transformed and was now bursting with possibilities. Shining with gratitude, my heart space beaming.
I noticed that if I had made the original choice to go the opposite way from the big bead, the journey would have taken me to a shiny dark silver glossy bead straight away.
NOON "Woman, behold your son! behold your mother"
I choose a different seat - to the far left and at the back of the sanctuary. As I glance around, I notice how the seats form straight lines at an angle, like the tulip fields as you drive by them. A familiar pattern that always feeds me. I draw strength from this observation. The bracelet journey continues as I explore the glossy shining bead. Would that choice lead me directly to the gifts!
I go back to the 'Big' problem bead to re do the journey to see, but I can't find the 'Problem' - it no longer exists. It feels neutral - it is just a bead. I keep wanting the shiny bead to tell me its story. I keep asking - yet nothing - it is just a bead.
Beads connected, bound by love and caring.
Emotions tingling to the surface again.
I scan around looking for all the things that comfort me. The stain glass windows, the paintings, the skylights, the candles, the open book shape of the yellow windows design of the building, the flower field like rows of seats, the plants, the trees. Searching. The piano and all the music memories it holds. I notice paintings on the wall beside me and as I look deeper I am fascinated with the glass reflecting the opposite wall and the open book shaped roof line. I am absorbed into the world of reflections. Seeing beyond the surface. My gaze goes to the next picture and I wonder 'how does it reflect the movie screen + skylight from this angle way back here.
1:00 p.m. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me"
Feeling restless. Like I am a volcano wanting to explode. Upper torso and shoulder area wanting to burst out of its skin. Restlessly fingering the bracelet.
Went out to the lobby and got the hand out and wrote the 'last words' in the margin under the time. Ran into Ralph - he had the magic answer -
food - lets go to the Starlight Casino buffet from here. With something to look forward to, I can go through whatever this is.
As I restlessly fondled the bracelet, I remembered - breathe. I settled immediately as my journey continued and expanded. I soon realized the purpose in this moment was to heal the world. So I became the world as I sat in Peace and Love. Praying for the dolphins and whales. Seeing all is well. Picturing an individual and asking him to make a different choice. Sending love and acceptance. Understanding. Blessing. At One with All there is. For if I change - so does the whole ('hole' works here too!)
AH! The World starts right here with those I encounter and they in turn love those that they encounter and so on and so on and so on....
I do make a difference. A big difference.
2:00 p.m. " I thirst"
Everything I think I need is always available to me. In my human-ness I cry out "I thirst", forgetting that I am always quenched with living water when I remember the Truth.
Just as the big bead can take on the meaning of a big problem, I remember that only I give meaning to it. Just as the small bead seems less than, I remember that I give meaning to that as well.
It is what it is.
The black bead is a mystery. Shiny and lustrous, smooth and hard but endless depths within. It is by going deep into the darkness that one can find the truth of the light that dispels all darkness. And it is finding that we bring the light forth for all to see - shiny and lustrous.
3:00 p.m. " It is finished" And so is my journey with the bracelet.
4:00 p.m. "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit"
