HSP, Highly Sensitive People. I had never heard of this before. But wait, that sounds like me too! So I googled and started reading. The one website I went to, www.sensitiveperson.com, is simple and easy to read with lots of information and at the end of the story Being Sensitive in an Insensitive World by Thomas Eldridge (under tab - Article), there is a further list of stories, each one describing me. I even thought, no need to blog this, others have already said it in a more elegant way than I could...
But alas, here I am.
First memory in the chronological timeline is of me hiding in the back of my closet, sobbing silently so no one would find me / hear me. It was very confusing to realize that others were unaware of the things that seemed so obvious to me. I wondered to this day, what was wrong with me. Why was I so sensitive. Others could let things go 'like water off a ducks back', why couldn't I. Others didn't need to gather information like I did. I was different, weird, the wall flower, the out crowd, over sensitive, misunderstood, overwhelmed, depressed, not good enough, flawed, strange, out of place, didn't fit in, didn't fit the mold, a loner.... I felt like an alien.
Along the way, I found several things that helped and gave me some sense of myself. Made me feel better. One was the Colors introductory evening many years ago. It was there that I learned that there were various ways that people processed information. I discovered that I was primarily an information gatherer. I could never understand how people could decide what to order at a restaurant without going through the entire menu. Me, I would read the menu from top to bottom and then bottom to top - narrowing down the field. Then I would literally grill the server for what they recommended. When someone decided what they wanted to order without getting all the information, I would give that information to them. I remember the workshop facilitators example was how one of them went out at their lunch time and bought a car with no prior research. Me, it would take me months of gathering information and then after buying something, I still keep gathering more information to make sure I made the right decision... Well, knowing this, and that we were all different really was a relief for me. My restaurant experiences lightened up, choices were easier.
Language and changing 'shoulds' to 'coulds' helped. Being reminded that I could hate someones actions and still love the person - separating a persons actions from the person was a pivital moment for me. AHHH - that is also true for myself - never thought of that before.... Hearing that the meaning of 'Normal' is a setting on the washing machine... And so on...
Currently I am reading 'Idiots Guide to Mindfulness'. It is chalked block full of great information.
And now this HSP information from an email has freed me. So off I go to gather more information.
Love and Take Care
